A
female
age
51-59,
*amsproperty
writes:My boyfriend has always insisted I'm cheating. We will make love and he rolls over and asks who I'm sleeping with. He has spyware on the computer, and daily interviews me about who I spent time with. He confronts me constantly with items of suspicion; who I'm texting, who texts me, who I'm emailing, etc. What is really rough, he is the one with extensive history of gawking at women, flirting openly, flirting in email, self stimulating to porn, on and on. Does anyone have this similar situation and should I accept it as normal? I can tell you I don't feel like I have a personal side anymore; I am constantly interrogated and under surveillance and what is stunning is I don't interrogate him unless I get fed up with his interviews and surveillance every few days and hand it back to him.Your story?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (6 November 2008):
 I'm with the other two answers; why are you tolerating this? He sounds like he has a real problem, this irrational jealousy isn't going to fix itself, and it doesn't sound like he's trying to fix it at all. You must live in a state of high tension all the time, and that's not a healthy way to live. I bet you go around all day with a knot of tension in your stomach, and you never can relax around him, can you? I'm shaking my head as I type this, because no one deserves to be treated this way. You clearly are unhappy with this.
I expect you have tried to talk to him about this, and I suppose it's worth one last try to get him to understand what this constant suspicion is doing to you. I know it seems an easy thing to tell you to do, but honestly, this would require counseling. I don't have any magic way to tell you how you can fix it, sorry.
Please think about how you want to live, and if he can't provide a safe, sane, stable, reasonable relationship, then I'm sorry to report he is not the man for you. Please take care of yourself, and I wish you good luck.
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