A
female
age
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anonymous
writes:Hello, all - Has anyone out there been involved in an EMOTIONAL AFFAIR? Please relate you experiences if you have been (or still are) because I'm trying to move on. Thanks much!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2008): I think many people have explained this very well. My experience was that I was in a relationship that was, for all intents and perposes, pretty healthy and loving, but one day one I became friends with a man who was very friendly and very open. I found in him a place where he valued my mind and we would talk for hours about everything and everything with long debates. Slowly we became closer and I thought at the start that we were just really good friends. My partner at the time knew about him and how frequently I talked to him. Then one day this friend went away on Holiday and I missed him terribly. Not like other friends who went away for a time but really misserably lonely. It was then I realised I was emotionally attatched to this man and that I was falling for him. Again I started to deny it stating to myself "The grass is always greener on the other side" "I am making too much of this" and "I am just putting him up on a peddelstool." At that point I looked back at my relationship with my partner and tried to fix it. It failed misserably. I payed more attention to him gave it an honest try and was fighting a loosing battle. After about 6 months of really trying, I even didn't see this other man he called me to ask if I was avoiding him. I had to tell him that I was and he asked why. It was then that I told him that I had been emotionally attached to him and at that point was falling for him and thought I needed to pay more attenion to my relationship, but in the moment of talking to him, his voice just calmly whispered over the phone back to me saying he was inlove with me and that he cared for me. For 2 months we spoke to eachother declaring our feelings to eachother and our desires to be with one another. The emails, the text messages, but all the while deciet on our part on my then partner. There was never any sex involved because I didn't think it was right and neither did he, but the guilt of no longer being inlove with him ment I needed to make a choice. In the end I broke it off with my then partner and married this man. He ment that much to me and to this day I do not regret my choice.
A
female
reader, deejuliet +, writes (6 November 2008):
 An emotional affair is exactly what the name implies. It is an affair of the heart, not necessarily one of the body. Often the two go hand in hand, but sometimes not. People often justify to themselves that it isnt really an affair since they have never had sex, but that is self delusional and justification for bad behaviour. When you are calling, emailing, maybe meeting for 'innocent' lunches,etc and telling them all your thoughts and ideas and becoming emotionally attatched, just like dating but without the sex, you are in an emotional affair. There is nothing innocent or decent about it. You are giving your time, your love and your emotional energies to someone who is not your partner.
For example ~ someone I know several years ago met a young lady who was engaged to be married in 3 months time. He was enamored by her and pursued her. They began emailing daily, talking on the phone for hours in the middle of the night while partner and the daughter that they had together were sleeping. They professed how much they cared about one another and she lamented that she hadnt met him years ealier, but that now it was too late as she was about to get married. He tried very hard to convice her to break off the engagement and be with him. They went away for one weekend while her fiancee was out of town, but did not have intercourse. My friend will try very hard to justfify his actions because she was not actually married yet and will say it was not an affair because they didnt have sex and the fiancee knew that they got together the one time. Howver,she did not tell her fiancee that she got naked with my friend, that she spent the night with him or that she 'loved' him. Therefore it was all a lie. She was lying to her fiancee, sneeking around behind his back, telling another man she loved him and wished to be with him. This absolutely was an affair. They never slept together, so it could be classified as an emotional affair, but she most certainly was cheating on her mate.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2008): From what I've known, an emotional affair is when you're married, but get 'emotionally attached' to someone other than your husband/wife. (It's mostly started through the internet) You tell this person your thoughts, dreams, problems...intimate conversation (not necessarily sexual) that should only be saved for your spouse. You're giving your heart to that person, instead of keeping boundaries. This is damaging to a marriage, because there is a 3rd person intruding, breaking the bond of intimacy, communication, and growth of a strong marriage. When things go wrong at home, there's that person to run to, instead of working out problems/solutions between each other."Healthy Marriages" are also vulnerable, because access to the internet is a click away. I've been there. What starts as an innocent 'business call or email' can easily get personal over time. I decided to protect my marriage (wasn't easy because we were having hard times) and send faxes, and intentionally avoid that person. I've 'exhaled' many times in gratefulness because at the end of the day, life at home (including ups and downs)with my husband is worth it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2008): I don't understand what an EMOTIONAL AFFAIR is. Could you define that?
An affair is simply an affair as far as I know. Is an emotional one any different?
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female
reader, samsproperty +, writes (6 November 2008):
Females tend to have these I think. While men are sexually based in their affairs, I found my girlfriends have a tendency to be driven to fulfilling friendships/relationships just to get that love need met.
The fact is, if you don't feel loved by your man, you will naturally go find that in some other circle. Don't feel bad about it. But, it is dishonest to your man. I would choose carefully; if you don't want your emotional affair to further, out of sight out of mind is the best cure. The more you see the guy who makes you feel loved, whoever it is, the more you will arrange to be around him, so choose carefully.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2008): Hi ya all. Please read the story of Mae5 September 18th "My paramour used me for sex" tells you it all I suppose. All the best with this one xx
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