A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ok so im 19 and my bf is 20. We've been dating for a year and a half and for the past 6 months we've been living together. Now he's bought his own place and doesn't want me to move in with him he's told me to find my own place but we can still be together. Our relationship hasnt been the best but i feel so hurt that he doesnt want to live with me anymore it feels like the relationship has gone backwards and theres really no point anymore. So what do i do? Do i still be with him and live somewhere else or leave him? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, littlepig  +, writes (10 September 2009):
I wouldn't mind if I were you. Maybe he just wants to do things right. If he says he still wants to be with you, then thats just it, he still cares about you. If he didn't care, then he would just break up with you. Why would he bother sparing your feelings if he didn't care about you. He wants you, he just wants to move slower. I am in the same situation and I am getting my own place. It's a trial thing. Maybe it's the best for everyone. You will finally get to clean up after yourself and you only have to cook for one :)
A
male
reader, Heartbroken in love +, writes (12 July 2009):
Its very hard to move backwards in a realtionship. Good relationships I believe have a forward motion. If he doesn't want to live with you I agree that sounds like a step to me. I would confront him and tell him you aren't happy. As your BF he needs to know that. Being in a relationship your happiness should be his business and his should be your business. Let him know you are hurt. Give him a chance to show that it bothers him that you are hurt. I feel like you need to know wether or not he cares for you. I know it hurts but I believe the agony of not knowing certain things is worse than actually knowing the truth. If you want you can let me know how things progress
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2009): Hmm, I think it may be time to move on. You've lived together for six months and it obviously hasn't got any better as you say. Now he wants to move out and not live with you anymore. I say if you still love him then yes stay with him and move somewhere else. It may be that he just needs time alone away from you. I do need to ask you some questions about your living with him for the past six months?1.Do you give each other time alone?This is a big part in a living together process as the person each will want maybe a hour or a day alone in the flat with that person not around and you both need to understand that.However if you don't feel you think the relationship will work and think its best if you just move on, then leave him.
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A
female
reader, dr.2.be +, writes (12 July 2009):
 Hey girl. Let me tell you this. In general moving in with your boyfriend=disaster. It is not uncommon for young couples in their early 20's to move in together thinking everything will be great then breaking up and ending up dissappointed later.
When you move in together there is never any time apart. You can't get a break from each other and soon everyone's little habits get to you. I know when my boyfriend spent a week at my house once I went crazy! I couldn't live with him, he drove me nuts!
Let him move in on his own without you and see where it goes. You don't necessarily have to break up, just see if things get better. They probably will since he still wants to be together and you won't be in constant contact with each other. It sounds to me like he still loves you but you guys aren't ready to live with each other yet. Which doesn't mean its the end of the relationship.
It is hard at this age to settle in with someone. We can't settle in with someone until we discover who we really are and most people at this age are still on that journey including both of you. I am in my early 20's and I am in the same position. I can't live with a significant other. I feel I am too young for that and it will ruin the relationship. But it doesn't mean I can't be happy with someone.
Don't break up with him and stay together. Go out to eat together at a nice restaurant and dress nice, go to the movies like old times and have occasional sleepovers. Do everything like you did before you moved in together. I bet the relationship will be rekindled.
Good Luck!
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A
female
reader, straight to the truth  +, writes (12 July 2009):
Ok this is a tricky one and i am kind of going through a similar thing.
my boyfriend recently bought his own place and we have been together for 18 months and to me it only seems right that we live together but he wouldn't have it.
turns out he is worried that if i move in and anything goes wrong then I will be able to take half of his house.
this seems to be the main concern for anyone who owns their own home and i have to say that its fair enough and i would be the same. I fully understand this worry because it does happen alot and even if you were the most trust worthy person in the world and would never dream of doing such a thing this is still a huge risk for your boyfriend.
since i have spoken to my boyfriend about this and because i am in the middle of a law degree i was able to explain a few truths to him to stop him from worrying, basically you would need to be registered at the council as living as a tenant and not as a girlfriend, this means you have no legal right to the property. However! only do this if you are not paying anything towards his mortgage! otherwise you are paying for him home. pay towards all of the other bills as that is only fair as you are living there however if you are not paying towards the mortgage then you are not investing in someone elses home. if anything goes wrong then you wont feel bitter about paying his mortgage, if all goes well then in a year or so start talking about being on the mortage and contributing towards it.
If this is the case and he is not worried about all of the above then I can still fully understand why you are hurt because i would be too, he might just be wanting to make the most of his bachelor pad for a while as this is a huge thing in someones life and he wants to enjoy his new investment before committing to living with someone. Go rent a flat for six months and then talk about it again, after that just re-evaluate things.
I hope this helps.
x x
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2009): I think it might be best to leave him. It is not very nice to be told that you are not required to move in with him and I think you should now look on this relationship as over and find someone else. If you like live somewhere else and see him occasionally along with lots of other new chaps but I personally wouldn't want to do this as I think the comment is just so hurtful.
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