A
female
age
30-35,
*ant2bamom
writes:i have been with my boyfriend for 2 years but known him for 4 years and i had let him know that i was desperate to have a child im 21 right now and he is 24 he said at first that we would move in together and see where things lead us well i said ok i can deal with that. well when we moved in together i talked to him once again about the baby boat and he said he wasnt ready right now, but later on down the road i asked again once more and he said he didnt want to have kids now this literally tore me to pieces we have been living together were both financially stable and everytime i bring up the baby "boat" he said why do you keep bringing it up and said he wasnt going to waist his time raising a child and thats when i broke down in tears and he just walked away and went to bed. i dont know what to do i feel like my biological clock is ticking everyone says i should leave him but i love him more than anything and it hurts me so much for him to be so selfish he gets everything he wants i give him everything he wants and needs but when it comes to me he says forget it please help me i dont know what to do
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2010): I think you need a reality check...Having a baby at 21 is NOT a good idea!! Forcing a guy that's obviously not ready to be a father into having a child is an even worse idea!!From your post you obviously have quite a bit of maturing to do before you are ready to be a mother... A child is not something he gives you to make you happy!! Its an immense responsibility FOR THE BOTH OF YOU, if he's not ready then this as a complete no-go situation. By forcing the issue you will:a) Have a child by a father that is not ready, does not want to child and will resent you for it.b) Force him to leave you before you trick him into having a childc) Have a child with a man that will leave you for betraying his trust.I'd say you should talk about the issue to find out if he'd be interested in having a child at a more reasonable age (late twenties). If so you should spend this time making sure you can provide for a child properly.If not, then it might be worth considering if this is the relationship you want to spend your life in without the prospect of children.... some men don't want children.... ever.
A
female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (16 July 2010):
 Wait a second, a baby is not a toy, it's not something he can give you to make you happy.
"it hurts me so much for him to be so selfish he gets everything he wants i give him everything he wants and needs but when it comes to me he says forget it"
Your boyfriend is not ready. He dosen't want to spend his money on a kid. He dosen't want to share his house with a kid that vomits, shits and cries all day. He wants to go out, to be young, to be free from heavy responsibility. Your guy sounds very sensible, he sounds like he's maturing into a very responsible young guy. You however sound like a little girl, you want a baby, just because you do...... well why should a baby want you? What do you have to offer it in life, are you well educated, do you have money, how much space do you have in the house you live in?
A baby is not a toy. If you had any sense you'd been making sure that you save money, get educated and get the best job that you can. Nope, you want to give your child a father who dosen't want kids right now. Great life you kid will have, with a father who is angry and upset and a mother who keeps appologising.
Get yourself a dog, take care of that first, maybe if he can see you being more responsible he might show more interest. Your only 21, your body can produce children well into your 40's, so put your boyfriend and future child first and stop being selfish.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (16 July 2010):
He's not ready. Period. Not ready. And if you thrust this upon him, you'll cause a lot of damage. You're 21, not 35. So yes, your biological clock is ticking, but not at the rate you think. He never committed to having a child, merely said that he would see where it led. And where it has led is to now, where you're so desperate for a child that you can't see he's not ready. If you want a child now, then leave this man and find a man who wants a child. But don't push it, or you'll end up with nothing. He's not ready.
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