A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My partner and I ended up getting in a fight last night. We were at a baseball game and he was drinking and wanted to rent one of those standing scooters to take home all of a sudden. I’d never done this before and wasn’t comfortable but he kept insisting it would be fun and I need stop being lame. We couldn’t get a second scooter to work for some reason, so he got one and told me stand behind him. I was super uncomfortable and didn’t want to, but then I get told I’m lame and boring and never want to do anything fun. I reluctantly get behind him, and he tells me to push with my foot and then I’m trying to balance and fall off, pulling my groin and injuring my foot. He’s immediately like oh god what’s wrong with you and made me feel like crap about it.He did help me when we got home and wrapped my foot up but is still making comments today like “that’s what I get for trying to do something fun with you”. What are your opinions? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2022): Typo correction:
"Maybe you've just chosen yourself a certified d!ck for [a] boyfriend?
P.S.
If your "partner" is your husband, my apologies! I stand corrected. If that is the case, then maybe your marriage needs some work in the area of communication.
He needs to be more respectful in his tone and delivery; and should be more knowledgeable of what you would be more apt to consider fun, and use it as a template. Demeaning people and browbeating are not loving ways of conveying your feelings and opinions towards the person you supposedly love. You gently encourage or affectionately prod them into trying new things; and respect their refusal, when it's an activity that could cause them injury. If this is a pattern, maybe he and you are in need of some serious marriage-counseling; or you may need to take a stance that you're not going to tolerate the disrespect and degradation anymore. Mean it, if you say it. Then enforce it!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2022): He handled it badly, and I agree with everything Honeypie said and how you feel about it!
First off, you got on the scooter with him after he had a few drinks. Is this something he would have done stone sober? You know him, we don't; so the question is pertinent.
You aren't fun, because you won't participate in every asinine/childish undertaking that pops into his drunken brain??? Like the varying opinions we have individually; so are the perceptions of what people consider to be fun. Some things fun for some, are stupid or ridiculous to others. If you don't find it to be something mature or sensible, it makes you an adult, and has nothing to do with whether you're fun or not.
Now giving him some benefit of the doubt; from time to time we have to indulge our partners. We sometimes will look foolish, or embarrass ourselves for their sake. It's healthy for our relationships to be spontaneous. You can't always be rigid or stoic; sometimes you have to let it all hangout. If he means that in a good sense, he should choose the right words to get his point across. He comes across as mean and stupid. You hurt yourself, and that was because you did indulge his ridiculous exploit at your own expense. I suggest you make it a habit of asking him to choose more respectful words to communicate what he wants from you; gaslighting or verbal abuse is unacceptable.
I think maybe you two are not a good match. If he talks to you and badgers you in such a way; maybe that's a red-flag you shouldn't dismiss. Insulting and scolding you after an injury isn't showing you love or concern; it's called "contempt!"
I suggest you assess all the pros and cons of being with this guy. If he thinks you're not fun; let him go find someone more like himself. Maybe you're a more conservative and serious kind of lady, and your idea of fun runs more on the grown-up level. However, what he suggested seems a little cute and spontaneous; it just didn't workout for you. You didn't blame him, but how could you maintain your balance on one of those little scooters...two full-sized adults? It's meant for one, not two, for safety reasons. He had been drinking, and didn't have full control of his own balance and sobriety. This is why people are pulled-over for their erratic-driving while under the influence; and have to submit to sobriety tests! They are not in full charge of their faculties or ability to properly operate a vehicle of any kind!!! You were not fully responsible, because had he had full balance himself, it would have made it easier for you...but the limited space (approximately three feet) for two people made that relatively difficult. Even if he was sober!
Apart from his needing an admonishment for being inconsiderate and mean-spirited in the particular situation you've written about; you should truly consider if this guy checks all the most important boxes that indicate good-character and respectfulness. If he did, I doubt you'd even be writing to DC! Maybe you've just chosen yourself a certified d!ck for boyfriend?
If you're just settling for him; because you think he's the best you can do. I digress.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (30 June 2022):
 He is manipulating you, picking at YOUR insecurities of feeling that you aren't "good enough" for him.
You think that when he says you are lame, then you HAVE to do whatever he wants, in order to NOT be "lame". And what happened? YOU got hurt!
And then when you got hurt HE got mad at you!
OP, you need to reconsider this relationship. He is callous. And he is LAME. He doesn't treat you right and you, unfortunately, LET him BULLY you, manipulate you into doing things you don't WANT to do.
YOU are a WHOLE adult! Don't fall for the "peer pressure" manipulation.
Honestly! Who is the lame one? The one who wants to drive scooters drunk at night? Or the one that just wanna go home safely?
Why couldn't you just have said, nope ain't doing that, but I'll gladly film you fall on your ass and post it to social media!
Is he much younger than you? Like, 12?
Because he is ACTING like a 12 year old (no offense to tweens..)
My last question is this, DO you really think that he is treating you like someone who LOVES you would treat you?
It's OK to be lame, OP.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2022): NOT OK.
That is abusive. He's creating a situation where he is blackmailing you into doing something you don't want to do. He wins either way. He either gets his way or he gets to belittle you.
My husband used to do things like that when he would try to make me do things I wasn't comfortable doing. He belittled me, instead of accepting my wishes. It was always the same scenario. He would think of a thing he wanted to do on the spot and if I told him to go ahead without me, he would accuse me of being lame and say mean things to me until I caved in.
Like you, we were in our late thirties when he insisted ou of the blue we should ride (rent-a-)bikes in the city streets. I hated doing that because there were no bike lanes and at that moment I wasn't dressed for it (I was in high heels, but hey, other non-lame, superhot women do it with their eyes closed in heels!). After all the nagging I said ok. But then he realized I was riding too slow for him. We were on a slope and I was checking to see if any of the parked cars were pulling out. He angrily pushed me. I fell of the bike and landed in front of the car that was pulling out. The guy almost ran me over. My husband yelled at the guy for not paying attention. In my book there's only one person to blame for all of this - ME, for letting my husband abuse get to me and make me do something I didn't want to do.
He changed some... but he still does stupid things and sometimes wants me to take part. I ignore his offers.
Like your bf, my husband tried to change me to suit his own needs. NOT. O.K. But it was up to me to either leave him or put my foot down.
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