A
female
age
30-35,
*upidsDaughter
writes:Ok, tomorrow will be me and my boyfriends six Monthiversary or whatever. Im not exactly super exciting because i think we arent doing so well and my boyfriend thinks everything is fine. Here's a few problems we have: He hates picking me up now because i Don't have a car (im trying to get one) and he is all about tough love so he literally Bashes me about it. I cut my hair and he doesn't like it, he says that im not up to his Standards and that its hard not to want those other girls out there, and he says he doesn't like being chained down etc. I've given him space and ive changed a few things about myself to try to fix things but when i bring up something that i don't like he gets so defensive and says he wont change for anyone. Don't get me wrong he is a really sweet guy and he says he loves me and we have a good connection but its the fact that he Doesn't think before he speaks and the things he says Shouldn't be said to Anyone, especially a girlfriend. I went to dump him last month and he was drenched in tears saying that he doesn't think we need to...I'm becoming stressed because i love him more than anything else and i lost my v-card to him and he's special to me. So should i dump him or should i just Wait and see if anything changes? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (12 June 2013):
Dear OP,
Your boyfriend cried when you dumped him, because he only wants what he doesn't have. Like a spoiled child. There are some people like that. It makes no sense but it's that way, they'll only know what they got when it's gone.
That doesn't mean he's going to treat you right as long as you both are together. If you feel like you want to have a really bad time, continue being with him. Trying to fix yourself until you can't take his insults anymore, then dumping him, then accepting his tearful apologies and getting back together.. and start all over again. It's going to be an emotional roller coaster, up and down, up and down. He'll try for a few days, fall back into old patterns etc. Sounds like a lot of effort and I really wonder if that's worth the few happy hours you could spend with this man.
We sometimes don't love those people most who are good for us. It is then our brains that need to jump in and help us make some hard decisions in order to stay healthy and alive in the long run.
A
female
reader, Got Issues  +, writes (12 June 2013):
 Don't just think about dumping him, do it. I don't think anybody's going to tell you that he'll change, or that you can work things out, because people don't change, especially controlling, abusive people, and it sounds like that's what he is. He puts you down and criticises you, then when you try to get rid of him, he uses emotional blackmail to make you stay.
This is how abusive relationships start. His words say "I love you", his actions say "I want to control you". It's not the fact that he doesn't think before he speaks. He knows exactly what he's saying because his intention is to hurt you. If you stay with him then the more he hurts you, the more he'll be able to control you because you'll start to believe the things he says, and the more you believe those things, the more you will come to depend on him. You're still strong, you recognise that what he's saying is wrong, so kick him to the curb while you still can. If he turns on the waterworks and says he's going to kill himself if you leave him, that's his problem, not yours.
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A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (12 June 2013):
Nothing is going to change if you don't speak up and make it clear to him that some things he says is inappropriate. And not just "somethings" but specifically.
Also changing yourself if you were fine already does not help a situation. Nothing is wrong with bettering yourself but it should be for YOU and not someone else.
If you have talked to him about these issues and he still does not change than I feel like he is taking you for granted and it may be time to move on.
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A
female
reader, FreshPrincess +, writes (11 June 2013):
If he wont change for you, then why are you stressing yourself out trying to be perfect for him? No guy should treat their girlfriend like that, and intentionally make them feel insecure. I would leave. You shouldn't have to change yourself for anyone.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2013): Sounds quite a lot like this could be turning into emotional abuse.... why would you want to be with someone who tells you that it's hard not to get with other girls??? He's a creep, dump him!
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