A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:First off I just want to say that I love my boyfriend to bits. We've been dating for a little over a year and we both lost our virginity after about 7 months. I don't have issues with how long he lasts and he really does try to do foreplay but it's like he just doesn't get it. I find that his foreplay consists of pinching my nipples and fingering me. Which would be fine if I was turned on... There's just no anticipation or attempt to "get me in the mood". We can be laying in bed and he'll kiss me and then just try to finger me... Is it weird that that's not enough to get me going? I'll tell him when he does do things that I like but it's like once he gets his penis in me he forgets that I'm there with the only contact being his penis and my vagina. Sometimes it's like he remembers half-way through and will do a random boob grab but by that point I'm just wanting it to be over... I find that he is always asking me what I want him to do and I don't really know how to tell him... As horrible as it sounds it's kind of a turn-off for me to have to tell him over and over. He doesn't ever seem to pay attention to how I react or when I do tell him what I like he forgets by the next time he wants sex. I'm finding that I'm not even having orgasms much anymore and most of the time when I do I have to provide my own clit stimulation...It's kind of hard because I haven't had sex with anyone else so I don't know if I'm expecting too much or if this is just normal... I've messed around with other guys and they seemed to know what they were doing/notice when I reacted... He just doesn't seem to understand that touching only my vagina is not guaranteed to get me ready for sex... and sometimes he hurts my boobs :(So is this normal??
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female
reader, Abella  +, writes (30 September 2012):
 sadly i think your guy is just inexperienced and lacks insight into what is really required.
If you are able to purchase a vintage copy of 'the joy of sex' online then do so.
That way you can read out loud one chapter at a time, in bed with him. Then experiment with the ideas in that chapter.
Occasionally choose to have a session that is either all about you, exclusively.
Or another session is all about him.
So for your session he is ONLY to concentrate on 30 minutes foreplay for you until you climax.
And then you cuddle ONLY after you have managed to climax from foreplay only.
He is short-changing you. He should be using his voice, his tone of voice, his ears to listen to you and respond accordinly. He should be using his lips, his tongue, his fingers and even his eyelashes.
He should be varying when and where and how and for how long he touches you. He should learn to stroke, swirl his tongue, lick you.
All the above suggestions above also apply when a woman gives her guy foreplay.
His inadequacy is completely unacceptabl and it is time he learnt how to give pleasure to his lady
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