A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year now. Throughout the time we've been together, I've learned several things about him. 1. He won't kiss me until the day we get married, if we do.2. He hates hugs. He'll hug me when we're together, but I know it makes him uncomfortable.3. The whole idea of sex makes him sick. He never wants kids.4. He considers girls who even talk about sex to be total sluts. I've talked with a couple friends on different occasions about sex.I'm one of those people who feels love through physical contact. I love hugs, I love cuddling with him, I love being around him. But he doesn't feel the same way. I love him to death... But I just don't know what to do about this... Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2010): There is obviously an underlying issue.
Speaking for myself, I grew up in an abusive environment and rarely received anything in the way of physical caring.
Till today it's nearly impossible for me to hug anyone and receiving hugs is particularly uncomfortable. Does this mean I'm not caring? No, I care plenty and enjoy making people laugh and having a good time etc... It has gotten better, and certainly once I know someone well enough it feels pretty damn good to give/receive a hug (or more) even if the the awkward feeling never goes away.
At his age he might not have gotten over it, if it's indeed the cause of his problem. Then again, your not responsible. If he cant give you what you need then consider breaking up with him.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2010): Hmmm have you ever considered that he might be GAY??? Maybe he likes kissing men, maybe he likes sex with men.... Maybe he's not dealt with those tendencies.
Thats crazy...if he doesn't desire you, this makes for a very unnatural weird marriage. I can understand men with religious beliefs about waiting until marriage to have sex...but even those men do get aroused but exercie restraint. DUMP THIS GUY!!!
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (27 October 2010):
 He's going to grow up to be one lonely guy.
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A
male
reader, The Realist  +, writes (27 October 2010):
 I wouldn't stay with just because I don't think you two will ever find common ground and he doesn't share your values at all.
Personally I think that there is something wrong with him in that he may have been so deprived of love and contact as a child that he has come to hate and fear it. Or he may just need to grow up and leave his bubble where he thinks that people will like someone so judgemental and stuck in his ways.
Either way you deserve someone who will show you the love that you deserve and don't ever be afriad to about sex. I think he is a complete idiot for making a comment about sex like that which is why I see him as so immature. Even if your not having sex you are at a good age to talk about and learn so that you will be ready in the future.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (27 October 2010):
Those are his beliefs and he's entitled to them. Frankly, you're too young to be discussing marriage and children..save that for when you're well in your 20s and finished with college.
Now, I suggest you break up with him because he can't give you the physical contact and affection you desire. Basically it's a friendship with none of the perks of a relationship except for the title. He won't change, sorry dear but he doesn't have what you're looking for.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the advice so far. Much as I love him, I'm becoming even more convinced that I'm just gonna have to leave him. I tried talking to him today about the situation, about why he's like that, and he said it's cause his friends ruined it for him, just cause they talked about it. He sees no value in any kind of physical affection. But he told me he still would do things with me to make me happy. The way he put it was something like this:
"I don't even want to be happy, i just want to live out my life serving someone else and making them happy at the sacrifice of my own happiness"
I don't want to be with someone if I know I can never make them happy too. I'm just about ready to give up and move on.
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A
female
reader, Stayc63088 +, writes (26 October 2010):
 Break up with him. You are 2 totally different people. And he sounds bizzarre to say the least. A person who is interested in sex and physical contact won't work with someone who finds each disgusting. Doesn't even make sense why anyone would want that. He may need some kind of therapy as well. Waiting until marriage for things is fine, but to find sex disgusting to even think about? Date someone better suited for you and be happy. You can hug hold hands and show affection like a loving normal couple.
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A
female
reader, celtic_tiger  +, writes (26 October 2010):
 I dont think there is anything you can do about this.
He sounds like he isnt ready for any kind of romantic or sexual relationship. He just isnt ready to have a girlfriend. Or to talk about babies, or to talk about marriage. He isnt even an adult yet. He is still growing and learning to understand his body and his feelings.
Maybe he has been brought up in a house where there is no physical affection between his parents? No kissing or cuddling. Perhaps he is religious? There could be many reasons as to why he is like this.
OR he is struggling with understanding his sexuality.
You cannot change him, or the way he thinks if he does not want to change. He has to make the move.
I can tell you now, it is HIGHLY unlikely that this is the boy you will end up marrying. Very few school relationships last beyond the age of 18. People change, grow, develop. What they want changes, their outlooks change. They move away to university, for work, for all sorts of reasons.
If he wants to wait for marriage to even KISS you, then you will be waiting a very long time, and you may be giving up many other opportunities.
I think if you cannot deal with that, then you may be better moving on and finding a boy who can give you the attention you want. This is one boy. Is he really worth it when he gives you no affection back?
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