A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Please help me with your opinions;My boyfriend of a year over commits.I was aware before i got into a serious relationship with him that he is very busy but i can not help but feel he has his priorities wrong.He puts his massive sport commitments before his job and then I fit in after that.I know he loves his chosen sport and has been doing it for years but he spends thousands during the season traveling interstate and competing and hours and hours training all week. He is always tired, never has a free weekend for us to spend together and i feel his work is struggling because he is always having to change shifts to accompany events that clash. And his attitude towards that - It (his sport) comes before work, he says he can always get another job. And that his career hasnt started yet so it doesnt matter. To me this is a terrible attitude! I save every cent i get (we both still live with our parents) so that we can move out. He has nothing!Every time (and believe me, theres many!) I bring it up he gets defensive and upset saying its what he loves, its his social life and that im being to clingy and needy and am expecting too muich from him, his doing his best etc etc. He cant slow down what he does because its a team sport and it involves other people.But is it wrong for me to be upset that not ONE single weekend in the five months, he is going to have free for us to spend time together!? he complains that we see each other heaps. True, each night after work in the few hours before bed and back to work!Its driving me insane. I love him to pieces but is it possible i can just relax and ignore the fact he doesnt have time for me, or money! for the whole season, until April next year!?What do i do? am i being selfish? I resent it greatly and find it hard to support him. Everytime we have plans in the rare free time he has off, something comes up and he cancells on me. Its causing fights because i just crack! Should i just suck it up, support what he loves and hope that when he finishes after the season he will save money and have time for me, or is this something that will never change?I am worried about him. His parents try talk to him because they can see it too, but he gets angry and defensive with them too. And its putting a strain on our relationship, and im sick of it being the only thing we argue about!thanks for reading
View related questions:
money Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (29 November 2010):
 Let me ask you this, is he good at this sport? Is it something he could potentially become professional at and make a career doing?
Have you ever had a dream? A passion?
If so, I think his GF should support him as much as she can (I don't mean financially, but emotionally.)
To me it seems like the two of you are not a good match. You want a place of your own (with him) but that is NOT what he wants. He wants a "cheerleader" in his life, not really a partner. The sport is his 1st love.
You know the saying to can drag a horse to water, but you can't make it drink? Same goes in relationships.
The guy Obviously have a passion for his sport, but not for you. I'm sorry to say.
A
female
reader, largentsgirl89 +, writes (29 November 2010):
 It sounds like sports are his ultimate dream and in a committed relationship, if you love someone, I think you should support your loved one in their dreams and their pursuit of them.
I understand it is frustrating for you to never have alone time, but what do you mean if you have plans something always comes up and he cancels? Why does he cancel?
I'm assuming that you have talked to him so I think you need to make up your mind if you can be supportive of his dreams and perhaps start something of your own to occupy you while he is gone or if you can't handle doing this anymore.
You need to decide.
If you need to save money to move out or to do whatever it is that you want to do, then save your money and don't rely on him to do it for you. You two aren't married, as Youwish said, and you are still independent.
If you aren't able to support his dream, then I would suggest throwing in the towel and moving on. Don't come between him and his dream, the chances of him making it are extremely rare and not everyone gets the chance to fulfill their dreams.
Good luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (29 November 2010):
 Sports are his dream. You have to decide whether you can live with the fact that he has a season where he's much less available on the weekends. He's with you a lot during the week for a few hours, as you say, but if you're wanting a guy who is always around, this is not your guy.
People who are the best together encourage each other in each other's dreams. Have you gone with him to his games on the weekend, or surprised him with a cup of hot chocolate after a game? Are you the loudest one in the stands?
Likewise, while he's out chasing his dream, you could be out chasing yours!
As far as money is concerned, you do not have to save money for both of you to move out with. You're not married. If you want to move out, move out. He hasn't moved on from being taken care of by his parents yet. Right now, your financial decisions are rightfully independent.
If the differences between you two are too incompatible, maybe it is best to consider parting ways. But whatever you do, don't come between him and his dream. Sports is a game for the young, and the retirement age is so much earlier than most careers.
...............................
|
