A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Would love some advice- last night I told my boyfriend of almost a year (I am 32, he is 35) that I did in fact love him. I have been in previous serious relationships and he has not. I do love him. And he said he needs to get there in his own time. I am hurt, and now so confused. Does it mean he doesn't love me? Or am I just insecure in 'us' that I need to hear it. Mind you I live in NYC, and am losing a job. We are due to go away for 4 days this Sat overseas. I want to back out- I put myself out there and didn't get what I wanted in return. I feel vulnerabe, and hurt and all these feelings arising. Was wondering any advice if I just let him get there in his own time? I want to back out but of this vacation and just let him figure it out. He didn't grow up in a loving family but they are close and so love each other there just wasnt any intimacy, and definitely nothing verbalized. I suppose I am now just all sorts of confused.
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female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (14 May 2009):
 You shouldnt feel so hurt - I understand you really put yourself out there and it must have been a bit of a kick in the teeth not to hear "I love you too". But you cant force him to be ready to say such a big thing - he will say it in his own time. I guess you just have to be patient!
It doesnt mean he doesnt have very strong feelings for you, I'm sure he probably does love you especially if you have been together a year its more that he just isnt ready to verbalise his feelings yet. Some men can be like this - they are just really bad at talking about how they feel, and they think if they say "I love you" then they are exposing too much of themselves.
You shouldnt back out of this trip purely because of this, if you do it will kind of put an ultimatum on him that if he doesnt say it too then he will lose you. You dont want to force him into saying it just to keep you when he doesnt mean it - surely you would rather him say it in his own time when he is ready and you will know that he truly means it and it will be so much more special?
It seems like he is serious about this relationship if he has been with you for nearly a year and is wanting to take trips with you, therefore you should take comfort in this. It shows he is serious about you and committed - so what if he is not ready to say those three little words yet? You love him, you want to be with him and you must love being around him. I cant imagine you want to lose him over something like this so just accept his is being a typical man who cant express his feelings and leave him be. Dont tell him again that you love him - you have put it out there now so he will have some pressure on him, he will know he needs to say it some time soon.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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