A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So we have been together for over four years, but have only been living together for a year and a half. I didn't learn about these panic attacks/breakdowns until after we moved in together.He has been diagnosed with ADD and has severe anxiety. Many times, a stressful situation, even a minor stressful situation (like forgetting something in the car, which is parked kinda far from our apartment), will trigger a panic attack or a mental breakdown in him. I love him, but these breakdowns are almost impossible for me to deal with. He turns into a completely different person; he'll start singing everything he says, he paces. He will complain about every little thing and repeat, "I can't f***in' do it anymore..". He will mumble to himself, curse at no one, get angry at inanimate objects around the house, etc. The negativity gets so bad that I oftentimes must leave the room or the apartment because I can't focus on my homework or on anything when he's in this mode. It's as though a tornado of negative energy consumes his physical form, like a possession. And I feel like I can FEEL the stress he feels; it emanates from across the room, reaching me. My heart starts racing, my hands become sweaty and I start to feel anxious or panicky. It's that intense. Sometimes the breakdowns/attacks last for only 10 minutes, other times they will go on for hours. His repetition of negative sentences, often sung instead of said, will go on and on, and really give me an eerie feeling. I feel like I'm living in a mental institution sometimes. It's that alien to me and really messes with my head when it's happening.Unfortunately, I can do nothing to help him in these times. In fact, most of the time, saying anything will make it worse, and he will become angry with me for stressing him out more.He is on medication and we have a dog to calm him during his panic attacks, but he still has them at least once every few days, and I feel these episodes will be a part of his life forever. I don't know if I am strong enough to stay with him knowing this is the reality of the situation. Has anyone else ever been with someone like this? If so, what did you do to deal with it? Did you discover any solutions to help him/her? Has anyone maintained a healthy relationship with someone with these same problems?Thanks!
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female
reader, Sensible Alice  +, writes (10 March 2014):
 Seek some help for yourself on how to deal with this and to keep yourself mentally and emotionally strong. Perhaps there is a support group or a counsellor you could go to, call the local mental health unit, they should be able to direct you. Don't try to struggle on alone. What a wonderful, loving partner you are!
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (10 March 2014):
 He needs more then meds. Does he see a therapist? If not, I think he needs to find one who can "give" him or teach him some tools to use when he gets panic attacks.
If he refuses therapy/help, then you have 2 options:
Suck it up or leave.
I'm sorry, I know that isn't what you want to hear.
I used to have anxiety attacks and for ME (not for everyone) yoga helped me a lot. It taught me to calm myself down and chill enough to focus on solving whatever caused the attack. For me some of the worst things were big crowd or hospital and even worse - crowds at a hospital.
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