A
female
age
30-35,
*Ic369
writes:Hello,I have never done this before but am in so much pain and just don't know what honestly to do. My boyfriend, Ty and I, have been together for a year and a half. He is 19 and I am 18, I know we are young. I have had past experience before him, but have never been in love until him. He, himself has never been in love before me either but I was his first everything. We had a strong relationship and could work just about everything out. He did cheat on me once, he kissed another girl. He told me the second it happened and said he regretted it. He then dumped me the next day because he said he wanted to try being single, he didn't know what it was like to go out to a bar and hook up with other people and didn't know what it was like to be able to do whatever he wanted, he said I knew all of these things because I have been with other people before. We stayed apart for 5 days and when we saw each other we fought, which turned into sex which turned into us getting back together. We were together for another six months before yesterday. He kept saying it was 50% for being single and 50% for me, then would change his mind and say he loves me and would lose to much if I left but then would think about being single again... He was so confused and didn't know what he wanted. He knew for sure that he couldn't be 30 and not know what it's like to be single. He kept saying it was like a gamble, loosing me and not finding anything better? I can read him pretty well and I could tell he wasn't sure on our decision to break up an but was set on the fact he needed to try being single before it was to late. I know he still loves me and I know I still love him. I want him back so badly! I mean, for the last year and a half when something went wrong or I was upset, he was where I would run to and hide... but now he's not there and I hate it. I slept alone for the last time last night and I couldn't stand it. I know that if we got back together he would still feel the need to be single and I hate that he doesn't see that I'm more then random hookups. I feel like I should give him time and space to realize what he's missing but I'm having such a hard time. It's not the end of the world but it is the end of life as I know it now. I use to talk to him 10 times a day and spend every night in his arms... how do I make it stop hurting? Do I fight for him or let him talk? He is so good at holding in his emotions sometimes.. I just wish he could tell me he hurts as much as me and kiss me. Any advice right now we really help! Thanks so much.
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female
reader, xanthic  +, writes (20 August 2010):
 'He kept saying it was like a gamble, loosing me and not finding anything better?'
That alone should tell you everything you need to know. He should be with you because he wants to be with YOU, not because he's afraid of not having you around as his safety net in case it doesn't work out with someone better. If he can't decide, you're the one that has to make the decision to end it and find someone that's sure they want a relationship with you.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2010): I am really sorry you are going through this. It happens to all of us especially at that age in our life. Me and all my friends, our biggest heartaches were as teenagers. I remember the heartaches I went through when I was a teenager. It gets easier with time. But at that age it DOES feel like the end of the world. Its not because he is anything extraordinary but it is because you are so young and lack of experience makes you take things a little harder...that's how life goes.
Back to reality, his indecisive state is condescending. He is treating you like a second class citizen. Make the decision for him. Tell him this isn't good enough for you and peace him out FOR GOOD. You don't deserve that. Well actually there is really no need for that as he has made it pretty clear that he wants to be single. But you need to take a stronger stance to accept it and yes, move on. I know it hurts, but like I said you are not alone!
And guess what? If you play your cards right, he is just going to experience life, experience women and probably see that he did have everything he wanted. And unfortunately that is how men are...people are like that. And you both are very young and you yourself have alot of growing to do. This is NOT the end of the world. This is the beginning of something new for you, even though you don't realise it just yet. However, you cannot allow him to treat you like this. That is unacceptable. Like I said you need to take it for what it is, stick by the break up and let it be. Don't let him push you around, you are not a yo yo, that is not cool. He said he wanted to experience other women?? Sweet, show him the door and make sure to close it behind him after you wish him luck on his journey. And that's it! Leave it at that. DON'T take anymore of this. He made his bed, now let him lie in it. And go do your thing, the world is your oyster. You need to learn to sleep by yourself and take care of yourself on your own. Men come and go. Nobody can make you happy but YOU. This is your chance to gain perspective and make important realisations in your life. So take advantage.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2010): Don't wait for him to decide....YOU DECIDE. Also, talking 10 times a day and seeing each other everyday is not healthy and it's clingy at best. It's ok to be in love, but not to the point of insanity.
There is not quick fix on how to get over your bf..all I can say from exp. is that it takes alot of time, pray, reading self help books on relationships, getting involved with various activities, talking to trustworthy friends and family members, and NO CONTACT with your ex under any circumstances - no texting, no calling, no emailing, no seeing each other, no CONTACT AT ALL. All these things worked for me....it took be a little bit over one year to completly get my ex out of my system and now I don't care about him, I don't love him, I don't care who he dates, I have no desire to contact him...nothing and I am so happy about that as it has been two years now.
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