A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:i've been with my boyfriend for 3 years and i really love him. I always thought we had a good relationship despite the obvious ups and downs every couple has. The main downer at the moment is that when hes drunk he just can't seem to control what comes out of his mouth. Sometimes its been really nasty things, sometimes hes like a lovesick puppy. This weekend was a wierd one. I recently lost a grandparent and it took alot for me to go on a night out this weekend, and after a few drinks i was having a good time. He was drunk, pulled me outside and started talking about my grandad. It upset me then, so he went on to tell me how much he loves me and how he wants to be with me forever. Then he randomly brought up his ex. He asked if i thought she looked good lately and i said yes, its a touchy subject with me anyway but she is stunning. He carried on, yep she is lookin really good lately, and that "i'm not the brightest of people but if wants to be with me anyway." what should i make of this? The subject of my exes was always off limits, so why did her name suddenly appear in a conversation in which it was totally inappropriate? I know he was drunk, but its not the best thing to say when your tryin to console someone. What should i do?
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female
reader, veronika  +, writes (15 March 2010):
 "A drunk mind speaks a sober heart."
A lot of people excuse other's bad behavior or inappropriate things they have said just because of drunkenness, but in fact people tend to say more what's on their mind, truthfully, when they're drunk. Being drunk lets people lose inhibitions, it doesn't make people lie necessarily.
I think what he said was entirely inappropriate, and if you have an issue with it then it needs to be addressed with him. He needs to know that being drunk isn't and excuse to be rude or disrespectful to you, or bring up something inappropriate - and that if he does do that, then the consequences and the feelings hurt would be same if he were sober.
A
male
reader, serenity80 +, writes (15 March 2010):
3 years in to your relationship, I don't think either of you should be getting insecure about your pasts. But neither should either of you be bringing up ex's in drunk conversations.
Try and think about this, is the problem here that your boyfriend was insensitive in that he didn't think before he spoke, and that you are also feeling insecure about your her looks?
Are they "properly" broken up? Do you have any reason (other than her looks) to feel insecure compared to her.
Have you brought how you are feeling up with your boyfriend? If you can explain how you feel, hopefully you will get some reassurance about how he feels towards you, and also learn to try and be more sensitive about the way he talks about his past, especially if he has had a few drinks.
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A
female
reader, Jo1983 +, writes (15 March 2010):
I am in a relationship of 7 years with an acholic.The first 2 years he was exactly like your b/f he use to say nasty things and when mom died he wasnt what i call supportive i remeber that he got drunk and told me to get on with it and stop wanting the symphety vote.When he was sober he was the nicest bloke but i got pregnant with him and had a son the he changed he never says anything nasty or hurtful anymore and he is really supportive even though he still drinks.I am not telling you to get pregnant im just saying my b/f wouldnt change for me till something big came into his life.But after 7 years i still cant forgive him the things he has said before and is drifting us apart so if i was you talk to him and let him now how much he is hurting and driving you away then look in the mirror and ask yourself could you take any more wold you be able to forgive him.What if you carry on and decide to have a family and he doesnt change he could do the same to the children.I hope this helps.
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