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female
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anonymous
writes: my boyfriend and i are in our almost late twenties and have been dating for about 6 months..everything is going great and it's the best relationship i have been in. We both truly love each other and he treats me very well and vice versa.I can honestly say he is the person i want to spend my life with.We don't live very close to each other; we aren't far but it's far enough where it's just too difficult during the week to make that work. I also still live with my parents in an apartment and trying to save to possibly buy something. He lives with his parents in a house because he is saving to buy something in a future years too--so there is more privacy there. Naturally we starrted spending weekends together in his area. It's the only time we can really relax, see each other and enjoy each other's company.So basically he will pick me up on a friday night and drop me home monday before we go to work. I wouldn't say it's alot of time together because by friday night we are exhausted from work. I love spending weekends with him though.His friends are single and basically call at all hours, text and they still cling to each other expecting to be available to hang out. His one friend doesn't have a girlfriend, drinks alot, parties and hooks up with girls. He calls my b/f and texts him alot. I repsect their friendship and their history and I am always nice but i can also sense this friend probably hates that I am around each weekend. He is used to having my boyfriend available on weekends to hang out, have drinks etc and doesn't always want me hanging around even though I know they see me as cool, laid back, sweet etc.I know this happens but i just find it odd above the age of 25 to give someone a hard time about it. I am more accepting that this is natural when it happened to some of my friends. I can't expect them to not make their significant other an eventual top priority. (not the only but top). After a few months of dating I would hear the friend say on the phone, you aren't even dressed yet? It was basically saturday morning and we were both on the couch lounging with coffee..why would i want to rush to get dressed?This past friday my b/f said how he was talking to that friend and was told how they give him credit because he basically frees his weekend to be with me. I found that kind of crummy and insulting of the friend to say because he makes it seem like it's a chore, bad thing or like he HAS to spend weekends with me. I basically said yea and i free my weekends to spend time with you, it's the only time we have together given living circumstances and work. The weekends go by so fast and to have people texting and calling to be in a group, it does leave little time for us..and then if we are spending time alone i almost feel guilty about it even though i know he loves me.My boyfriend asked what my feelings were in regards to a guy's night/girls night out on a saturday night and he promises to be good etc..he said he loves being with me but feels bad for this friend because he doesn't have a girlfriend due to him not appreciating her and not too many friends to hang out with.It actually caught me off guard because this is the first time he asked to be apart. I know he is a wonderful boyfriend and I am lucky but I just got quiet about it. I do trust him not to cheat but i know the friend would definitely try and meet girls putting my boyfriend in the wingman position to chat it up as well. I just hate the idea and miss him when I am not with him. I told him if that's what he wanted. He kind of dropped the subject maybe sensing it upset me a little.The problem is I don't want him to eventually resent me and I don't want to be made to feel guilty about being with him every weekend. I want to be with him the future and want to be the best girlfriend I can be. My thought was to almost suggest it but basically not even stay over on a friday and just go home to my area after dinner. Basically that would mean we wouldn't see each other until the following weekend.It hurts me to be away and and maybe irrationally hurts me that he suggested a night out on a saturday night without me.He hasnt brought it up since which was over a week ago. Should I bring it up? Should I leave the topic alone?
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (6 March 2013):
 Your description of the relationship you have with this guy is very nice.... and I detect that you and he enjoy being with one-another, a lot!!!
However, I'm surprised that you and he don't/won't take an occasional weekend "off" ... specifically to avoid the "overdose" that is bringing about this question...
Good luck....
A
female
reader, kirra07  +, writes (6 March 2013):
With your boyfriend working during the week, the weekends are the only real free time he has. And so far he has been spending all that free time 100% with you, from Friday evening all the way to Monday morning. It makes sense that his friends would miss hanging out with him, and he probably does miss that a bit as well.
I think you should try to arrange something for yourself one weekend, even if it's only a girls' get together saturday night or something. Then you can both go get out and have some independent time with others, and still have a lot of the weekend to spend together. I think you should bring this up with him. He probably senses you're not on board with it, and doesn't want to bring it up so as not to upset you.
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A
male
reader, SensitiveBloke  +, writes (6 March 2013):
 It's important to keep friendships going when you're in a couple, and finding the right balance isn't always easy.
It would be good for you to let your boyfriend have an evening out with his mates every now and then, and you should do the same too :-) It makes for a healthier relationship.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (6 March 2013):
 I'd suggest you ..to relax your grip.
I know that a woman in love does not see it this way, but every friday night to monday morning is a lot of time together !, it's a full immersion ! And opening occasionally your " me and you " space is healthy for a relationship ( of course if you like each other's friends ), you can't live all your life in a honeymoon mode and actually opening up to people is something that comes naturally in time, do you think that married couples spend one-on-one all their free time ?
You say it is a good relationship, your bf is a good guy, he would never take advantage of his " freedom ", he would not act stupid... so what's the big deal if once in a blue moon he does something to please his best friend ? If you don't have trust issues , and if you know you CAN actually trust him, it really does not matter if his friend is taking him to places where girls are. If you think about it, your bf could meet single girls by happenstance even monday to friday, at work, on the bus, at the coffee shop.... either you put him under surveillance 24/7 ( in which case his loyalty would not have much value ).. or, you just let him do what he wants to do , trusting that he'll act irreproachable.
If it's a matter of coming first, and being his first priority, I'd say you can rest easy about that, so far he has shown that he IS doing it. I really don't see what's all the upset about one occasional boys' night out. If he wanted to make an habit of that, then you'd be right, he'd need to tell his friend or friends THEY need to become more independent. But if for once he wants to make this change of lifestyle more palatable to his best buddy, I see no harm in that.
You don't need to skip the whole weekend, can't you invite a friends to join you at his place, or have her pick you up and go somewhere to have a girls'night out ?
Can't you organize something fun or interesting for yourself ? failing all else, can't you spend a quiet enjoyable saturday night with your favourite book, favourite music, favourite take away food, favourite DVD etc ?.. For once, it won't kill you .
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2013): His friends sound really immature, the type of guys I see clubbing on the weekends trying to pick up younger girls... I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years and in the first year I was really easy going and gave him all the freedom he wanted, but eventually I was getting walked over when he went clubbing once a week with his military friends (he's in the military and we also see each other on weekends, most of his friends are either single or cheaters). Eventually I told him I couldn't do this anymore and we made an agreement not to go clubbing without each other.I think your main problem is his clingy friends, they are the sort who would encourage your guy to be single.... but trust me when I say if they were in love it would be a different story. All my boyfriend's friends used to complain that he never went out anymore, that was until THEY all got girlfriends.Sweetie I think most girls wouldn't put up with this, you are his girlfriend and should be respected by his friends, I think you really need to have a word with him - honestly my boyfriend's friend don't call him in the morning while we're having coffee together; so in fact his friends sound like the clingy ones.. not youAs for the clubbing, definitely talk about it, it's important that he knows how you feel. Isn't he a bit old for clubbing anyway? (Sorry). I totally understand he needs time with friends but why doesn't he invite you? And surely they can spend time together that doesn't involve picking up girls? My boyfriend always invites me and all his friends bring their girlfriends, so as not to cause arguments. It sounds as though you have the relationship of an 18 year old, and you shouldn't worry so much about being clingy, you're not; your just a grown woman and expect an adult relationship. Just stand up for yourself and speak your mind (make sure you say you want him to spend time with his friends - it's just the clubbing part that bothers you.)
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