A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My ex boyfriend and I celebrated our two year anniversary at the beginning of February and he dumped me over the phone 11 days later. We were in what I considered to be a very committed relationship--sure we had never talked about marriage but to give you an example of how serious this was we spent a ten day vacation with his entire family. I could tell that he had been a bit distant lately but we also spent a wonderful weekend away, he took me out for Valentine's day and kept sending me cute e-mails when he was at work. Over the phone he told me that his feelings were not as strong as they used to be but that he had no idea why and he also said that he had just never thought about marrying me and that thus he felt there was something wrong with us. He said that there was no one else and I believe him. I asked him if we could meet face to face to get some real closure because I felt He brolthat a fifteen minute talk on the phone was not enough but he said he did not feel like it. I haven't spoken to him since, I defriended him on Facebook and I sent him a box of his stuff. I am still in love with him, I want him back and I do not know what to do. Did he just freak out and is there a chance he'll be back if I keep ignoring him? Should I try to talk to him? Or is it hopeless?
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female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (28 February 2013):
 Hi, Sorry but it is pointless contacting him or asking him for closure, he has decided to move on.
Also the distance you felt was him, trying to get his courage together to end things.
I also dont think he was entirely honest, he may not have been involved with another woman, but I suspect someone got his attention. The majority of time a guy realises this woman is not for him is when he attraction lies somewhere else.
I might be wrong, but its a strong possibility and hence my comment dont contact him, I promise you if you try to call and assume he ignores u or tells you again he is not interested, you will hurt and feel a lot worst. Dont contact him and move on.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (27 February 2013):
 to be blunt it's hopeless.
at your age after two years of committed serious relationship time, he knows your not the one and he's setting you free to heal and have time to find someone else.... he's doing you a favor.
I'm going to be honest... if you are with a guy and serious about him, even if you are shy or he is shy, the conversations about the future often come up... and the M word will be mentioned...
my husband met me at age 37... at that time he said "marriage is stupid. I'm never getting married" and I believed him and was fine with it... I was more than happy to not ever get married again.... NOTE he is my HUSBAND... I caved and married the guy.... because HE wanted it. He's a shining example of a man who just needed to meet his ONE.... same with our friends who got married in September... first marriage for both.. he's 52 and she's 40.... they just took longer to find the right person....
if he never mentioned it, it's not that he's shy... it's that your not his ONE....
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIt's not that I wasn't serious about the future or that I did not see one with him. I very much wanted a life with him but there were some obstacles: namely he started his first steady job only a few months ago and I am supposed to spend the next four months abroad for work. I think you're right to say that we should have been talking about the future but I guess I was too shy to be forward and ask him about it at this point because I felt that it was not realistic. I was afraid he was not ready and I thought we would talk about it after my four months away.
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A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (27 February 2013):
 Well if I'm honest, after 2 years you should have been talking about the future - if all you had managed after 2 years was spending 10 days with his family then clearly it was going nowhere.
Not that I'm advocated rushing into things, completely the opposite - but after 2 years you should have at least talked about the future. My boyfriend and I have been together nearly 18 months, we live together and he is saving for an engagement ring, hopefully he might propose around our 2 year anniversary : )
So what I'm saying is it sounds like in your situation, there was no plans (on either side) to take this relationship further in the future, sounds like it was fine for the 'present' but long term it wasnt going anywhere. I dont think I know any couples who are serious about each other that dont talk about marriage, babies etc - it is fun to plan your lives together even if it is just talk in the early stages of your relationship. If neither of you ever spoke about the future, then neither of you were ever serious about progressing the relationship. And it must have been a wake up call for your ex on your 2 year anniversary to realise that neither of you were planning the future, hence why he ended it.
Just because you love someone doesnt mean they are right for you long term, and in your case I dont think you were compatible. Especially being female, most girls want marriage and kids so to not even speak about it once in 2 years is a massive indicator that deep down you didnt even see yourself with him forever.
You need to let this go, your boyfriend realise that this wasnt going anywhere and ended it for a good reason. In time you will come to see that he was right and it is actually a good thing that you have broken up - you will be free to meet a guy you can actually see yourself settling down with.
Of course it hurts now, all break ups do hurt, and they take time to get over - but there is no rush. Dont expect to feel better any time soon, let yourself heal slowly and dont beat yourself up for feeling sad. In time get back out there and find a guy who you can get truly serious with, someone who will be your long term guy.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (27 February 2013):
 From what you've described, I'd say that is would be "hopeless" to hold out hope that he will, somehow - and miraculously - change to be that guy who you want him to be....
Put your relationship with him behind you... and concentrate on getting on with your life WITHOUT him.....
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, NORA B  +, writes (27 February 2013):
This is a dreadful painful situation for you at this time and not easy to handle.However i would ppoint out that your boyfriend broke this relationship of in a very cold and cruel way with you over the phone.This was a dreadful way to treat you.I dont think it would be a good idea to talk to him first and probably would be pointless. My question is to you. Why would you want a boyfriend that would treat you in such a fashion ?Maybe when you answer this question you may see things in a clearer light.Best Luck. Nora B.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2013): Breaks up are hard, and not only for the wh are being dried but also for initiator. That's why many people don't have courage to break up face to face.I was witnessing a break up when I was in a different country and though I understand that language very little but I understood from different frases that he was the one who wanted to break up. It was a heartbreaking even for me to watch those two. She was crying and I will never forget his face full of guilt. He was ready to die that's how sad he looked. When people mention the fact that it was done over the phone I understand why. I would probably break up with someone over the phone too. The fact that he still was sending you cute emails, or took you out for Valentines Bly means that then you still were in a relationship. It would be strange if he didn't do anything for you for Valentine. I think you need to let go. He doesn't want to be with you anymore. And it's good that you guys are not together anymore, so you can find someone who will think of you as his future wife.
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