A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:my boyfriend was meant to come and see me tonight (i live 30 miles away from him, at uni) but he isn't coming because his sister and his grandad are going to london tomorrow.. he said his grandad wouldn't appreciate him not being there. it just feels like he doesn't even run his own life. he can't even decide for himself what he wants to do with his time. the fact is that he's told me he'd come and stay.. but he knew full well they were going away and he left it til the last minute to tell me he wasn't coming.another issue i have is that, next year i'm living in the same uni accomodation, last year i was lucky to have all girls, next year i'm not so sure. i only stayed in this place because my boyfriend didn't want to move in with me (though he'd said he would) so i put the deposit down on his advice.. he's now turned around and said if lads move in next year he's off to magaluf with all of his single mates (though he knows i wouldn't like it) he said before that he knew how it would feel for him if i was to go away with all of my friends.. so now it's just like he's trying to spite me for something i have no control over anyway. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Midge +, writes (9 May 2010):
 Oh my goodness, how pathetic is that!
Well, I have recently had a similar situation except my boyfriend is somewhat more mature. I am moving to University residence as of September. The residence are not just girls or boys, but a mixture. He isnt over the moon at the fact I have to say, except he trusts me to be sensible, and he trusts me enough to trust the fact I wouldnt do anything stupid.
The guy has obviously got issues! Its bad enough that he tells you that he isnt coming at the last minute, and I can understand that you are angry, as I would be too, but having just lost my dad, Im kinda bias. I would cherish every moment I have with my family because they arent gonna be there too long. Its his grandad, and lets face it, how long has he got left here? He doesnt know, you dont know, he doesnt know, so perhaps give him a little bit of a break on that front!
But so far as him going to Magaluf is concerned, and his attitude with the residence next year, he is acting like a toddler! He either needs to grow up and grow a set of balls and learn to trust you, or kick his backside right out the door. Lets not beat about the bush here. You may say you love him etc etc, and I love my boyfriend too, but if he were being an arse like that, and saying that he's gonna go with his single pals to Magaluf if you dont have a room where its all girls, Id tell him to take a long walk off a short pier. He either trusts me, or he doesnt, in which car make sure the door doesnt hit his backside too hard on the way out.
Do yourself a favour. Speak to him and tell him to grow up. If he continue to say what he has been, show him the door. There are plenty lovely fish in the sea!
A
female
reader, person12345  +, writes (9 May 2010):
 He's clearly a jerk who has no respect for you. It sounds like he only wants to be with you so long as it doesn't inconvenience him in any way. I agree with the below poster, I wouldn't be in a rush to move in with him.
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A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (9 May 2010):
 Your boyfriend is a control-freak and immature. I wouldn't be racing to get a flat with him - he will start controlling you even more then. He may have family commitments but it sounds like he doesn't have a lot of respect for you if he only tells you at the last minute and backs out of the living together arrangement. As for your future accommodation, you are living in a free country and should live with whoever you like (except him of course!). If he doesn't trust you, let him go to Shagaluf (X-rated Butlins in the sun) with his single mates. A couple of bar fights, stepping over drunks collapsed in the street, being vomited over, chased by fat girl's and having the locals break in his apartment (ahhh I have fond memories of that place!) will make him realise what he is missing back home. In the meantime, you should pack a bag and go sit on a beach with your girl-friend's. I think a bit of independence is called for in this relationship where you have your own life outside him and vice-versa. However, I don't think this relationship has a long-term future as it doesn't sound as if he trusts you and you are resentful (quite rightly) of his behaviour.
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