A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have been dating this guy for almost two months. (we are both in our late 30s) A couple of weeks ago he began acting a bit distant when we were apart which made me concerned so I ended up doing some poking around and found out that he did something illegal five ago which in turn led to the end of his marriage and career. (he got 14 days of jailtime+probation) For reference, he's well educated and spoken, not the "criminal" type, he just made a very bad error in judgement. Anyway, we had an amazing connection from the beginning and I fell hard for him quickly which is not something I normally do. I thought he could be a potential mate.So I was devastated finding that info out but willing to hear what he had to say since he had kept this a secret from me. He told me that he did plan on telling me at some point and apologized for me finding out that way.After a lengthy talk, tears (his) etc. we got through that and I decided to give him a second chance; people do change and he knew how big of a mistake he'd made. After that, I saw him a few days later and we had an amazing evening together, talking etc. it felt like we had moved closer together now that his secret was revealed. He told me that I had inspired him and he felt like a weight had been lifted. He seemed truly happy.We texted just a bit over the next few days, me instigated the textws and then I heard nothing from him for 4 days so I sent him a quick text and didn't get a response. I waited another day - on Friday I emailed him and told him I was concerned about the lack of communication (since it had happened the week before as well and his excuse the prev week was that he broke his cell phone and lost all #s) and explained that I needed to have at least some communication from him in between dates so that I know he's interested/cares and to to stay connected. That was on Thursday. Still having heard anything from him despite sending a text and my email on Friday. By Saturday morning, hurt and confused by his silence, I checked on the dating website where we had met and was shocked to see he created a new profile late Friday evening looking for a long term relationship.I sent him an email Saturday and let him know that I saw his profile and was devastated because I thought we were together. It's Sunday night, I've still heard nothing and I am so heartbroken over this I just don't know what happened. He had talked to me about long term and us in the future, even the previous week he mentioned stuff like that and he truly seemed into me big time. (look in the eyes plus he told me he cared very deeply for me and thought we had a rare connection) I'm a smart woman and am just so hurt and confused by the whole thing. Was he faking his feelings towards me all along or did he just freak out emotionally and bail on me?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2010): Hello. Yes he was faking his feelings towards you. Having done the math, he was going quiet on you after 6 weeks of dating. Hence you started investigating and found he had a criminal record. He wasnt going to tell you that. Which isnt a good sign. And hes not responding to you now BUT hes updated his dating profile to say hes looking for long term, so i dont think emotional commitment is scaring him. He just wasnt that into you, despite what he was saying. For some strange reason, some, usually men, feel they have to say they love you and want to settle down, even when its the last thing they want! Im not sure why they do this but it does cause so much confusion and hurt. Just be glad hes gone. He was a liar and had covered things up from you, Lord knows what else there might have been! Just be careful on dating sites and take it easy with the guys there, dont listen to the flim flam just watch how they treat you and keep your heart under wraps until someone who really deserves it comes along x
A
female
reader, Angzw  +, writes (25 January 2010):
I think he feels uncomfortable with you since you poke around and investigate him and stuff. Perhaps he is a private person and deep down did not appreciate you poking about his criminal record, then putting him on a reporting schedule (call me call me) then again poking around on his business on the dating site. Don't get me wrong; I'm psycho like that too but some guys just don't like being caught unaware and prefer to control things a bit more. He is perhaps imagining that if he married you, you would be poking around his every move/decision and he has decided to cut comms now. Forget him; update your profile too.
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A
male
reader, Red Green 0289  +, writes (25 January 2010):
You may never learn what happened, but it sounds as if he just wigged out and ran. While it's painful, it's better than he did this a day before a wedding, or two weeks after your second child was born...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2010): Can't say why he hasn't responded, it's hard to believe any excuse he might tell you if he ever decides to reply to you. At any rate seems like he dumped you, would be best to just accept it and move on. I know if it were me and I was seeing someone and they haven't contacted me by now then there's either something serious or well...the person I was dating just wasn't that into me.
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A
female
reader, ilaila +, writes (25 January 2010):
I'm sorry you're hurt and I'm sorry he's not giving you answers to why he freaked emotionally. It's always hard to get over a relationship when you don't understand where things went wrong but sometimes that's just what happens...Maybe initially he felt better but then when he had a chance to really think about it he wasn't comfortable and maybe felt like you couldn't look at him the same knowing about his situation from the past. I could speculate for hours but I really don't know. I guess it's good that it was only two months and that you didn't get invested anymore than you already are. Best of luck moving on - don't settle...you deserve to be happy!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2010): Sounds to me that he got frightened. Or maybe he was embarrassed of being emotional in front of you. Contact him again and see what he says. If he doesnt have the decency to respond then move on. If you're not worth his time then he's not worth yours.
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (25 January 2010):
Maybe he just didn't know how he felt; however, that shouldn't be of your concern. Just be lucky that you dodged a bullet there! The guy seems good on paper, minus the jail time, but in reality--it seems to me like he's a liar, a jerk, and a coward. I know you probably feel sick and upset over this, but just be happy you didn't waste more than the two months you've already wasted on him.
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