| A ,
anonymous
writes:
My boyfriend and I have been together for six months, we've always had
a very loving, secure and happy relationship,although there is a long
distance between us and have made every opportunity to spend time
together, we are both in our early 20s, We have had to deal with many
situations since we met that are extreme and not the norm for any
couple and we have made it through strong and without arguements
Recently he left his job to go to university, I was really proud of
what he was doing, and for the last couple of month's we have made
arrangements for my three year old son and I to move there to be with
him. It is a huge step for me but I wanted to leave the place I live
anyway and really wanted to be close to him, at the moment he is
living on campus but said he would leave to live with me.
Since he went our relationship has been slowly deteriorating, he has
alot less time for us, which was expected but I am finding myself
becoming deeply insecure, he has never been the party animal type but
now he goes out almost every night and I have found that difficult to
deal with, I have been guilty about feeling this way because I know
the social life is half the experience of going to university. I have
started to feel like he is slipping away from me, he is still
attentive and loving but not as much so as he once was, he assures me
nothing has changed when it comes to his feeling's and he wants us to
work.
I visited him there for the first time at the weekend, we spent time
with the people from his halls, they were all really great people but
my insecurity overwhelmed me, there is one girl that he is becoming
close to there, and I feel certain that there is more to it than
friendship. I don't think for a second that he is cheating but I worry
he may be interested in her. He says that she is his best friend
there, that he can see why others would find her attractive and
fanciable and he has a 'soft spot' for her but that it is only
platonic and that he only has eyes for me, but I cant help but be
terrified. I am hundreds of miles away, seeing him only every other
weekend, they are spending time together everyday, and we are having
more and more problems in our relationship the longer he is there.
He says that if we get me moved there, then everything will be easier
but now I am worried about making such a huge leap when I have these
thoughts in my mind that he might leave me for someone else.
At the moment I have told him to not contact me for a while as I need
to think, I am going insane missing him and feel terrified of losing
him but I know nothing constructive will come of us communicating
while I'm in this frame of mind, this is affecting me so badly that it
is making me ill, I dont know how to stop my insecurities or this
feeling that so much has changed between us and more obstacles have
been thrown in to the mix, he said he would leave uni for me but I
cant let him do that as I know it isnt what he wants,
please help, I love him so much
View related questions:
best friend, insecure, university Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, harshbutfair  +, writes (20 April 2005):
 Don't let him leave uni for you. You need to find other things to fill your life other than your boyfriend and your constant worries about him.FriendsInterestsCareerActivitiesetc.Your boyfriend should be just one item on the list. That way:a) He'll be easier to get overb) You'll know more people and will find another one no problems
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