A
female
age
41-50,
*lowergirl888
writes:This might seem strange but the guy I'm currently with is extremely jealous , through out our relationship of nearly a year he has constantly accused me of havin sex with other guys. If I go out for a few hours and am late back he would take me to bed and tell me he could smell sex on me etc . The thing I want to ask is he sort of uses this to get off on aswel . When we have sex he always asks me if I had sex with another guy and to tell me about it and what they did to me , I assume it just fantasy talk but then when ive started talking and making up a story he then says I want you to be truthfull . I'm tryin to work it out cos I find it very strange why a very jealous and sometimes controlling guy would get off on this but yet it's the one thing that makes him out of control jealous and accuses me of cheating al the time . Pls help cos I don't understand it
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2013): You have a control freak who will eventually accuse you of having sex with anyone that so much looks at you. He will want you to stop seeing your friends and he will stalk you when he gets too insecure. Let him go and RUN LIKE THE WIND!
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (21 February 2013):
 the fantasy of your partner with another person is fairly common.
accusing your partner of cheating is NOT
if he's jealous and controlling it's his insecurity and not love.
if you are in any doubt that this is healthy it is not.
I would consider leaving if you can.
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A
female
reader, Beautynomore +, writes (21 February 2013):
Get out, now!! Just reading your post scared me, never mind being in it. Guys can try to control and guys can be jealous but it sounds like he is over the top. It is not normal behavior for your man to accuse you of something and then get off on it. It sounds sick to me. Now if it was just a fantasy of him seeing you with another man and he kept it to himself or had control over it then I wouldn't be telling you to leave. He's being very real with how he feels, the problem is what he is feeling is NOT normal. My husband use to say those things to me when we we were younger. Things like "did anyone hit on you". But he asked in a nervous way, as if that would be his worse fear coming true, that I would leave him for someone. My husband was insecure in that area, A lot of people are as a lot of people have been hurt by some one they thought loved them. However, what your man is doing is not good, not good at all. Tell him to stop, deal with whatever he has going on in his head, through counciling or something or your gone. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, betty blue +, writes (19 February 2013):
I agree, he sounds very bad news .I wouldn't be surprised if he became abusive .be careful .
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (19 February 2013):
I don't think it's abnormal to fantasize about your women having sex with other guys. In fact there's a theory that it's derived from distant history where the women were shared, because it was more important that a baby was born than it was important that it came from a particular man.
Combined with the excessive jealously and it seems a bit odd. If his jealousy has never scared you before don't let this combination worry you.
I'd recommend telling him that you want to make it clear to him that when you say these things you do it strictly to turn him on.
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A
female
reader, Gabrielle Stoker +, writes (19 February 2013):
 This is pretty weird behavior. Is he controlling in other ways? Men like this are generally not a good idea to look for relationships with.
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A
male
reader, Welsh Uncle Dave +, writes (19 February 2013):
Get rid.
It does appear he is getting of on the thought of you sleeping around, but at the same time, it's creepy.
I suspect there is more to it, and to be with someone controlling and jealous is not a comfortable place for me.
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