A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:2 days ago i was at my boyfriends house (we r both 18 and have been together for 2 years) and he was studying for some upcoming test. I was getting bored so I started talking to him asking him questions like "how is the studying going" etc. I"ll admit I was sorta blabbing my mouth because I do talk alot. Then all of a sudden he just snapped saying "Shut up b****" and pinned me on the wall and was about to punch me but at the last second moved his hand and punched the wall instead leaving a hole in the wall.I was scared and I felt the tears coming but I don't like him to see me cry so I told him "maybe I should leave so I dont interfere with his studying,and I didn't mean to make u mad." So I left and when I got home I just went to bed crying and like 15 minutes later he knocked on my door and was apologizing saying "he was just stressed out, I wasn't the reason why he got mad and he would never treat me like that and he was just really stressed and he loves me so much and doesn't want to lose me etc." he gave me flowers Chocolates and a stuffed bear and the apologizing went on for about 30 minutes and I did eventually forgive him because I feel that if I wasn't bothering him he wouldn't have done that and he's normally a very calm person. But now i'm so scared of him, I don't know why but now he just scares me and I'm always nervous around him. I don't know if I made the right choice forgiving him or if I made the wrong choice... Sorry for the long story
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female
reader, imlonely17  +, writes (6 June 2011):
Get out of that relationship NOW. If you remain, she will hits you eventually. Even though he hasn't actually hit you yet, in my opinion, the abuse has already started (emotionally) as he called you bitch and acted in a scary way, pinning you against the wall and punching the wall beside your head. Leave him!!!
A
male
reader, Doobie +, writes (6 June 2011):
I don't care how much a woman annoys me, the most she'll get is my most demeaning remark. (ensures sulking to give me some peace and I'm usually regretful later) Unless I'm presented with a threat from a woman, violence is off the table.
You should maybe stay away from this guy.
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A
female
reader, sallybowles  +, writes (6 June 2011):
GET.OUT.NOW! I have been in a relationship like this and believe me it only gets worse. Your b/f has anger management issues. Everyone gets stressed and reacts in different ways but to pin you up against a wall and nearly punch you is over-reacting in a violent way. He should have just explained that he was stressed from studying and would you mind leaving him alone for awhile. There are no excuses here. I was in a relationship like this and it escalated to such an extent that I was terrified of my partner who threatened me with an axe and abused my physically and mentally for years.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (6 June 2011):
 Wrong choice, this is only the beginning of abuse to come if you stay with this young man.
I know that if any guy pinned me up against the wall, told me to shut up bitch, and nearly hit me while I was asking him questions during study, that would be the end of the relationship. I don't care if he bought me a Tiffany pearl necklace and got all John Cusack on me with an apology. It would be over.
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A
male
reader, idoneitagain +, writes (6 June 2011):
Pursuing this relationship does represent a risk. Your bf might be testing the waters to see how you react to his violence, and his violence might escalate, it often does. However, it might not. Your bf might be at an emotional crossroads in his life where he starts to learn how to manage his anger like an adult in relationships. It is up to you whether you want to take the risk. You need to do two things in order for you to have a chance for the relationship to work out.
First, you need to speak to him and tell him that you are scared around him now, and that you are scared of him. He needs to know you aren't 100% sure if you should be in a relationship with him, but more importantly if you can't express these feelings to him they will continue to bother you. See how he reacts. If he reacts in a way that supports you, it is a good sign, if he reacts in a way that makes him more powerful, that's a bad sign.
Secondly, and most importantly, you need to make it quite clear that if you are to forgive him, he needs to know that you won't accept any kind of violence towards you, or any kind of behaviour that you find threatening or intimidating. You can forgive him once, and see if he has any learning curve, as he is young, but it is a danger sign, and you don't want to set up a pattern of him reacting violently and you forgiving him several times. If you do this, the violence will escalate. If it happens again at any point end the relationship.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (5 June 2011):
 Wrong choice.
Stress ? Everybody is stressed nowadays. It's not like that being stressed gives you permission to do and say the heck you want when you want. The barber gives you a bad haircut, you don't stab him in his chest with his scissors.
You waste the whole day at City Hall queuing for some document, only to find out that they have directed you to the wrong office where they only release permissions for building chicken coops - you can't set fire to the building. Your blabbermouth girlfriend interferes with your studies, you can't attack her, call her a b***h and punch a hole in the wall.
And all the "stress" comes just from studying ! Oh my. Imagine when he 'll get to deal with REALLY stressful things that pertain to adult life : work problems. Money hassles. Life altering career choices, relocations, health crises....
Are you gonna be his punching ball when the stress level gets too high ? are you gonna tiptoe around him for the rest of your life , to make sure he does not get stressed ?
what if you two should have a child together ? Small children are VERY stressful, they cry, deprive you of sleep and freedom, mess up your sex life, interrupt you when you need focusing....is he going to tear the house down every time the kid misbehaves ?
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (5 June 2011):
 Uh-oh, not good. You forgave him, but you didn't forgive at heart. You're still scared and unsure about him, and rightfully so. This is very disturbing. It is sad, but you can't be responsible for what he did, no matter what you did to him it doesn't begin to excuse his behaviour.
For your own sake, I think you ought to take some time off from him to think about this, and think about how you truly feel about this action of his. Don't decide right now what you should do, take your time and think about it. You should also talk to your friends and hear their advice.
Any guy who's aggressive.. will continue to be aggressive. If this is the first time I do worry it will not be the last.
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