A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I don't even know where to begin. Me and my boyfriend have been together for 11 months and at the moment things are really bad. I've always known that his love for me has never been as deep as mine is for him. However recently he has been acting out as if he wants to push me away. At the beginning of our relationship (brace yourselves) he was taking drugs and I chose to do it with him - big mistake, drugs aren't just short-term they are long-term, they ruined everything I had and has seriously left a mark mentally. We got through it though, I managed to change him, we became involved with art, graphics and photography and he started a course at college (I'm supposed to be taking the same course this September) and things were perfect. For a while anyway. He would still go out occasionally and not tell me and get wasted. Trust is a serious issue because while we both took drugs we couldn't trust each other, I never did anything behind his back, he betrayed me countless of times, kissed a girl etc. His ex-girlfriend wouldn't stop contacting him as well because she aborted twins and it ruined their relationship - they were only together for a couple months. But he still talks to her occasionally (he DJs - another thing I don't like because he is surrounded with drugs and nightlife) and I've recently found her number in his phone and he has called her. He's also started talking to another girl he used to talk to when he was with his ex-gf who would check his phone all the time because she didn't trust him either. This whole problem has esculated from him relapsing twice in the last couple weeks. I've obviously been upset and taken all my stuff back to my mums and its taken him a while but he wants to make this work. You're probably wondering why I'm still with him, and it's just love. It's in my nature to evolve my life around him because I adore him, I cant live without him and I think he knows that which is why he keeps making mistakes and getting away with it. He's now saying he wants to be with me and loves me (there was a few weeks where he said he didn't love me anymore, worst weeks of my life) but just needs space regualry to do his own thing. If I had it my way I'd be with him 24/7 forever and pretty much happy. He's messed up my job as well, I applied for one right next to where he lives and now cant get to it, I don't know whether I can go to college as well because he'll be there when I start. I know its my fault for depending on him too much but I cant help it. And now I feel like I need to socailise away from him, just get involved with things because I know it's unhealthy, but I have no friends, he is my only best friend! (He used to hate me going out with them and they all hated him and accused him of cheating on me so I don't talk to them anymore, I always wonder whether they were telling the truth though.) He also says he's scared of commitment (aren't they all though?) and feels pressured to be with me because I bascially lived with his family for ages and I love them all to bits so they get angry at him for messing things up (they all think I'm the best thing that happened to him - I don't mean to say it arrogantly) It all sounds much worse than it is, I just want to be back when we were perfect again but somehow I don't think it can. I couldnt cope if I lost him though. And please avoid saying he's not worth it and move on, I'm not a weak person, I believe in him to change back, and I want to make it work. So give me some credit please. Thanks.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (17 October 2011):
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