A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Okay, me and my boyfriend are having a big problem. Things have started to heat up in the relationship and we've begun trying to have sex. Being the responsible girl-scout I can prepared with some Durex. I am a virgin and just really didn't want to get preggers on the first go. Unfortunately once it was on, and was nearly in, he lost his erection. We tried a few times that night and things just didn't look up, so we didn't do it. He is older than me and says he will only do what I'm comfortable with, even if it means wearing condoms. Thing is we've tried on a few occasions to do it with this type of protection and the same thing keeps happening. I don't want him to get a complex because he is being patient and a lovely guy for trying to use them. I do believe him that this is not just a pathetic, guys hate condoms excuse because he really has tried on several occasions to use them for me.My question is, are there was that we can train things to 'keep up,' or would it be easier if I just went on the pill or something. Yeah, I know about STI's and tey don't protect from them. Neither of us been tested, but I trust him and he trusts me.
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condom, erection, the pill Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi- thanks guys. Yea into the second month dating now. Everything does work fine without the condomd and I was thinking about ultra thin packs.
Thank you guy readers- both your advise was helpful too. I'll try everything everyone has suggested. And thanks for not judging me x
A
male
reader, Calum +, writes (16 April 2013):
Both of you get STI checked together as equals, you go on pill and then look forward to having great sex.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2013): Make a little preparation beforehand.
1- Spend an evening out, dancing and maybe a few drinks so to relax and overcome the tension.
2- Before starting forplay, tear up the condom sachet before hand and put it in a known place such as on a table near your bed or under the pillow so he doesn't have to fumble for it in the dark.
3- Make sure you are properly lubricated before attempting insertion otherwise apply a suitable lubricant to the vagina.
4- Guide him with your hand to the right spot.
5- Bear the initial pain which you are going to feel since it is your first time so he does not panic because of fear of hurting you.
6- Don't worry if things don't work the first time. postpone it to another time when you are more ready.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2013): Hiya if i were you, I would definitely ask him to get tested first and go along too, so he doesnt feel singled out. Even oral sex can pass on some infectious diseases. And going straight to the pill without a test could be risking your long term health. You say he is older than you, so he should be a bit wiser than he is. If he has been happy to rely on trust with others in the past, they might not have been honest or even realized they had something while they were with him. So I would start there and get the test done. Then if he still has a problem with condoms, you can look at other options. If he can not use condoms at all but he has had sex in the past. It is safe to assume he had sex without a condom on, otherwise it clearly would not have happened! Right? So as nice as he is and as much as you trust him, he really needs a test before you expose your health to him.
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A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (15 April 2013):
 How long have you two dated? Are we talking about less than a month, or are we talking about months into the relationship?
There are two ways to approach this, and it's best if both ways are used simultaneously.
First, the physical:
Try different sizes, different brands, or different features, like the Trojan Ecstasy. Since we know this is mostly in his mind and probably stems from a bad experience in the past, switch it up some. Play with different kinds *and* sizes. One of the biggest reasons for condom issues is that the size is too large.
Second, the psychological:
If we know that nothing is wrong with his penis without a condom, we know that it's his mind. Try putting one on and NOT having sex. This means not worrying about whether he's flaccid. Put one on and have lots of foreplay, caressing, no pressure, no "goal". Take lots of time to do this. You have to break the mentality that a condom will destroy his feeling and sensation.
You do *not* want to have him stop wearing them. This isn't about trust. Do you get in a car and not wear a seat belt? Trust won't cover unforseen circumstances, like some medicine you take interacting with the pill, or the case of herpes he might not know he's carrying, or his inability to adhere to the withdrawal method. He cannot and must not pass on the responsibility for birth control to you, and you must not be moved into taking risks simply because he has condom issues.
I'm glad he's trying, and that's good. Try using a condom during foreplay and not caring if he goes soft. Keep up the sex play. Try a flavored condom for some oral play as well. Guys are VISUAL. Let him get used to it. Try an ultra-thin. If you're just starting sex and you're a virgin, it's definitely not the time to go bareback. Neither of you are experienced. And no, he's not if he's going soft with a condom.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2013): Do you engage in foreplay? Do you give him oral and everything works OK? If not, try it. If so, he probably has performance anxiety. Trust me, if a guy is horned up enough, a condom won't matter. Take the pressure off by doing things other than vaginal intercourse and see if things improve.
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