A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:my boyfriend and I have been together for over a year.we have had a past confrontation about his drinking. he cut down for awhile but after about a month he slowly started drinking excessively again. i am ready to talk to him about it again. ive put up with it for several months now. if he doesn't make an effort to really try to cut down, does it mean he doesn't love and respect me? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2009): I have been on and off with my boyfriend for 8 years now he has a serious drinking problem. he always says he enjoys drinking, A few years ago he did go for alchol counseling once but never went back and went to AA aswell but says he does'nt need anyone's help. I have been through hell with him and my family. he consantly wants me to support him when he has no cash as he spents all his wage on drink with his new drinking friend. he has type 1 diabetes which was brought on by his unhealthy lifestyle through the years maybe! His mother does'nt even address the problem and it is left to me. I don't live with him now as it was destroying me i feel worthless around him as i know he can't love me and I'm just watching him killing himself.I have to let him go as it is destroying my health I love him but feel it 's me or him and he is in denial. Me loving him will just give him more a reason to carry on knowing i'm their to lean on when problems arise. I worrying for him as I know he will die of this disease but i have tried for all these years to give him security and love and support with his problem. It is so hard letting go of him does this mean i'm selfish! I just hope their is a wake up call for him and another girl does'nt have to go through misery like i have.I hope god helps him.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2009): I pray that something will give you a wake up call and you stop enabling his drinking by staying and putting up with it, I pray that you will be the type to go to AA on your own for support for loved ones of addicts.
Take care.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for the advice. some days i want to give up because i do know inside that the drinking won't stop. he is not the type of person to go to AA or counseling. i love him dearly. he says im everything to him. i can only pray that something will give him a "wake up" call.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2009): hi, No it does not mean he does not love you.. but listen well, YOU WILL NOT CHANGE HIM! Several months you have put up with this!!! Men and women PUT UP with this for life sometimes. What do you want to CHANGE about YOUR situation before it's seven years deeper in... you will not change him.sorry...
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2009): No, it means you have a dealbreaker for a relationship with him. You should not have to put up with an alchoholic and he will get worse over time, not better because alcoholism is a progressive disease, it creeps up and takes control. He is an addict. He can't love anyone, except the booze, you can't have a real relationship with someone whose only love is a drug.
Your putting up with it is only making things worse for him. He needs to get into treatment and get into it now. If you have friends and family that feel his drinking has hurt their relationships with him also, then get a group together, contact a professional and do and intervention.
These are usually successful in knocking down the denial that he is in over his problem with drink. And you are in that same denial. Go to AA meetings to learn how to deal with this, go by yourself, they can help you better than we can here on this site.
Take care and God Bless.
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