A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am so confused been with my husband for 12 years have kids, but i think i am in love with someone else. I never thought i would cheat, but i did and now he wants to be with me. I have not been gettig along with my husband for about a year. Please help me, guide me anything! Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2009): first angle to look at:
i am going to take a hard line here regarding your infidelity. your husband is still young, you are cheating on him, and yes, you are confused. Why still lead him down the garden path, thinking that all is well in your marriage. you have been disrespecting him, the marriage and your kids, so if you want to end it, end it ( the marriage). I have said this before that women do not know how lucky/ fortunate they are that they have faithful husbands. your husband can be happy with someone else. so leave him to find that happiness elsewhere. i think you will not release him from your marriage until you make a decision about your lover. see, sometimes people who cheat want their cake and want to eat it too. meaning that you will not selfishly stay with your faithful husband while in turmoil over your affair. in life our actions have consequences and the consequence of your affair is that the truth will come out. So you decide now whether to continue with your lover or make an effort with your husband. I am certain your husband will also want to have wild passionate sex with someone else but he chooses not to because he is loyal to you. if he did this to you, you will be devastated, wouldn't you. we will hear all about how the man is messing his faithful wife around. we will judge and we will finger point but when it comes to women we are more accepting??
You said that you don't want your husband, then leave him to find his true partner. you say that your husband is a wonderful man, then let someone else get to know his wonderfulness, let someone love him. JUST LET HIM GO. in your case i am hoping that it is not just the newness of sex with this other man. is this other man in a relationship? are you sure he will still take you after you leave your husband. many have found that the affair doesn't end the way they want it to.
when you do divorce your husband, know that he has done nothing wrong, let him be a father to your kids. some people use the kids as a pawn in a divorce. will you give your husband the kids when you move on with your lover. will your lover accept your kids or does he only want you?
another angle to look at this:
you are bored in your marriage, your relationship has suffered for 1 year, how long have you been having an affair. if for whatever reason you decide to stay will you give it your all in your marriage? you have to be decent and fair to your innocent husband. after all he trusts you. i feel for your children because in all of this you will hurt them the most. is it worth it? the same crazy sex you are having with your lover you too can have this with your husband. the brain is the biggest sex object then try to make it happen eoth your husband. i am sure at one stage things were great in your marriage. then try
BUT
if you are in the first option where you still choose your lover then know that there is no turning back. you would have lost 12 precious years, your precious children who will resent you.
is it all worth it? only you can decide.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2009): while you send more info, please read the post 15 March 2009 "should i leave my marriage"
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2009): Yes.. I do think that i am in love , and i am feeling a bit of pressure. My husband is wonderful, but i dont feel anything anymore. I am scared ad concerned. I often wonder if it is the newness. I think no matter what i dont want to be with my husband and i am not sure if i will chage my mind, but i always want away from him etc... Thank you for your questions and please ask if you have more.
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