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female
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anonymous
writes: I've been with my bf for over 2 years now and I have never orgasmed during sex. He has given me orgasms in other ways and he knows what I like. I do enjoy the sex, well especially at the beginning, but sometimes after a while I just think "just get it over with". It's getting me and him down cos neither of us know how to get me to orgasm during sex. Any advice much appreciated.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2005): I mean this in a nice way and without saying don't try the good advice above, but make sure you count your blessings! I have a healthy sex life with my boyfriend and enjoy oral sex a lot, but he has never made me orgasm that way, nevermind during penetration. I hope he will one day but until then there's no point thinking it's a problem because it's not. We're all different.
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reader, schlottjl  +, writes (30 June 2005):
 Some women cannot orgasm during sex at all. So long as you can at all though maybe this can help. Try this:
After much (slow) foreplay, position yourself either doggystyle or you on to but facing up too. The idea is to make your clitoris easily available.
Next, he should not enter you totaly, maybe just a half inch and then hold it. Then, using lube meant for sexual stimulation, both of you should gently and slowly lube you up. Since both of you will have your fingers down there and he will be almost in you, you tickle one side and he can the other to try to match you. If he can do that well enough alone, you can skip the discovery and make yourself comfortable. He is only allowed to move a very little bit. Once you want to be penetrated he should tease you a little bit longer.
Once you can't wait, he gets one hard thrust. But he holds it in there. Now you should grind (no in and out.) You are looking for your g-spot which is about 2.5-3.5 inches up there and on the stomach side of the vag. If he put a finger up there during oral sex, it would feel like a patch of sponge versus silk.
Now, once that initial thrust happens do not stop the clit stimulation EVER. Then you can take it from there.
If you need to relube then go for it. Have it on hand. If you need to get a vibrator and stimulate yourself, that should not be a problem. Perhaps the first time you do it in front of a mirror so he can see what you do and like. If you become self aware and that brings you down, have him blindfold you so you can concentrate on the sensation.
Getting kinky always is fun too. If you try this in doggy style maybe some tying up? That might be for after you find the spots, but is a nice variation.
Finally, Make a date to try this. Your job that day is to fanticize. Women tend to like erotic reading. (Vs men who like the visual porn. Though the movies might do it to. They will give you new ideas and that is always good.)
The key is for you to be relaxed and to not put pressure on yourself to perform.
If you are under the age of 35, you may still only have small orgasims (even with oral sex.) Women hit there prime in their mid thirties and let me tell you...
As one who always had no problem, The 30's are Awesome!! Definately worth the wait!
Good luck and at least you get to have some fun while you quest for the perfect O!
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2005): This is only personal experience, but here's what I do: ask him to give you oral sex until you feel like you're just about to climax. See if you can position yourself to rub and stroke him while he's doing that, so that he's nearly ready to cum too. Then, just before you reach orgasm, shift positions, letting him thrust inside you, but use a position that allows you to rub your clitoris while he's thrusting. Doggie-style works great, but also any position where he's more or less behind you is also good.You probably just need to "train yourself" to look forward to an orgasm during normal sex, but when you get used to expecting to cum, you'll find it's much easier to... and the orgasm is amazingly powerful.Have fun!!
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