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male
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anonymous
writes: I've been in a relationship for 5 months now and I'm kind of getting bored. I don't get those butterflies anymore. I'm an indecisive person and she knows this but she still asks me questions to something I can't choose. Then when I decide to do something she says:" ahh naaa, I don't like that idea" And another thing, right- because she's been hurt in the past she always says: "oh I don't want to lose you". I'm like, "you won't". She says it all the time and I don't think she believes me, which is so annoying! She's a very emotional and argumentative person and it's alright for her to have a go at me but it's not ok for me to have a go back. Any comments?? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, ferraro-lisa +, writes (1 January 2006):
every woman feels as if they aint loved and you have to show her you are more than once. but the fact that ur bored already might be because you have not put 100% into this relationship. both of you need to sit down and have a talk before this gets to hard for you and ends up hurting her more than you can imagine
A
female
reader, StarNews +, writes (1 January 2006):
 You have only been in the relationship for 5 months and already bored, not a good sign. It doesnt sound like you want to leave her.You should tell her what you said in your letter. It sounds like you two have a major lack of communication. She seems a bit insecure and Im sure it is taking its toll having to constantly reassure her that you wont leave. When you talk things out, and find similar interests it might help to bring you closer together.
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A
female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (31 December 2005):
 My commets are these:
It *is* normal to lose the "butterflies" feeling after a while. Once you get to know someone well, you're less anxious about being around them, so you don't feel so hyped all the time. In addition, the chemicals that race around in your bloodstream controlling the level of attraction to that person naturally begin to dissipate after a few months to a year. That's normal too, and it's just human biology, so nothing to worry about.
But you've got one other factor at work here, and it seems to be that your girlfriend is about as much fun as a fart in a space-suit. In other words, no fun.
By your own admission, she's emotional and argumentative and doesn't fight fair ('...not OK for me to have a go back'). She also seems emotionally needy, dull company and doesn't want to make any changes to the way she behaves.
With all that, it doesn't surprise me that you're bored with this relationship.
I'd suggest having a talk with her about it, hard as that is. Come out with what you're thinking and tell her that her clinginess and the arguments, you're starting to feel that you want to be with her less.
Ask her if she can see a way to reduce the number of disagreements and to get the fun back in your relationship. Let her know that you're out of ideas and that you need her contribution if you're going to stay together.
Then it's time for her to put some work into things, and to do her share, because it sounds to me like you've been giving all this time, and she's been content to take but not make much of an effort herself.
Let her know that the ball is in her court now. Then, after you've done that, if she isn't willing to even try to make good her mistakes, you have to consider if you want to live with the way she treats you, or walk away from it.
Good luck, whatever happens.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2005): GAH! There's nothing wrong here, but a lack of communication here - TALK TO HER ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS!!!!
:-D!!
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