A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am a very sexual female. I have been very open with my husband and admitted to being bisexual - he is fine with it. I am now comfortable enough with him that I am wanting to not only find a real girlfriend and involve her sexually in our lives but I want to also watch the two of them have sex. Is there something wrong with me thinking and feeling like this? If we are all three ok with it and trust is there - - - is it wrong? No lectures please...... Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Krissypro89 +, writes (9 February 2009):
My husband would love this post.
A
male
reader, Tomas +, writes (9 February 2009):
Two different parts of the answer.1) I don't think there is anything wrong with thinking and feeling as you do. Especially being turned on by the idea of your partner with someone else, is not at all uncommon. And no one partner brings everything to your life that you might want.2) What I would be careful of is jealousy. It's often said that if you want to engage in threesomes, you should do it before you are married, as the potential consequences of a threesome to a relationship can be significant. The main reason is that what starts out as "just sex" can be perceived as an emotional threat.Add to that the talk about "a real girlfriend". Depending on what that means, it may be that you have a second partner, someone to fall back on emotionally, someone to be there when your partner is not. That emotional threat (to him) could be real.Things to think about: is he allowed to attain the same level of emotional intimacy with her as you are? If she is not interested in the same emotional intimacy with him (especially attracted to you, more lesbian than bisexual, etc), is he allowed to have another emotional intimate as well? Are you allowed to be intimate / have sex with her alone? Is he?Just some examples of where there could be complications or issues of fairness, even if you both start with trust and the best intentions. Again, depending on what you are looking for, you could try inviting someone else just to your bed, not your lives, and see whether it works well or if jealousy issues flare up.(I say this as someone who has had jealousy issues exactly once, at about age 30, and was caught totally off guard by them.)Finally, I'd caution that the bisexuality may be a red herring, in the following sense. If you were not bisexual, but wanted to bring another man in, and say your husband wanted to see you have sex with him (as you want to see him have sex with your girlfriend-to-be), you could run into very similar issues, with nothing but heterosexuality as far as the eye can see. The bisexuality lessens the risks on jealousy somewhat, but a bisexual woman can be with a woman only just as easily as she can be with a man only, so a third person is always something of a risk.Good luck, and make sure you talk and set your rules up front.
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A
male
reader, PeterPan +, writes (8 February 2009):
 I'm a big believer in what goes on between consenting adults is fine. In this case between three consenting adults. The only information and perhaps warnings might have to do with being absolutely sure that you three are on the same page with the relationship between you. Are you all doing this as friends with benefits? Is there a romantic component between you? Is it understood by all involved?... clearly? It might be detrimental to the person-to-person relationship between you and your husband... between him and your new third or all the possible combinations. Everything has to be above-board and no hidden agendas at all. If, as you say, the trust is there, go ahead, but be mindful of all the possible issues and air them as you see them and don't let them linger in the air...
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