A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm a 30 year old woman in a committed 3 year relationship. I have lived with my partner for over 2 years now, and moved abroad to live with him. For the past year I have been struggling with increasing desire to have a child. Please understand that this is not the 'I want a cute baby to dress up and have someone to love me' desire that I read about in the teenagers' columns. What I desire is a child, a family with my partner and everything which that entails.I have a good job, considerable savings, have a degree, and a comfortable 2 bedroomed apartment in a great area. Everything would be perfect for having a child now, except that my partner is just 25 and doesn't feel ready for a baby yet. He is due to finish uni in feb and will be looking for work then, and doesn't want a child before he has a job, and will not try for at least a year from now. I just don't know how to cope, it feels like there is an emptiness growing inside me, which becomes more painful everyday. My best friend gave birth to her first child in the summer and my jealousy is eating me up. I dream about being preganant, becoming a mum, choosing names with my partner, it's becoming an obsession and I don't know what to do to make this easier, or to persuade my partner to change his mind. He loves me, but says he isn't ready. I have a good job, but am not fulfilled as the opportunities to advance while working abroad are not there, I feel like I am well paid, but killing time in a job which now depresses me, waiting for the next 2 years to pass to have a baby. I feel like this is dead time career wise for me. I have moved away from family and home to be here with him, and in many ways I am beginning to resent him for the lack of career opportunities and the fact that he is the block in the way of the wonderful future that we could have together. I know 12 months is not so long to wait in the big scheme of things, but I am 30 and afraid of time running out, and want to skip on to the life I am waiting for. Please help me to deal with this as it just becomes harder and harder everyday. I thought the biological clock at 30 thing was a joke.... but it's not so funny now!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2009): it sounds to me that your wanting a baby to fill the voids in your life,like lack of family near by and a job your not real happy about...id try to tackle these things first.obviously you cant be that near to your family at the moment but maybe try widening your social circle and joining some groups.id also seriously consider looking at how you can make your career more fulfilling by changing jobs or study some more etc...give your guy a break though...hes only 25!!
A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (6 November 2009):
 I think what you have to remember is that your boyfriend is 5 years younger than you. How did you feel about kids when you were 25? Were you more focussed on your career? He hasn't even finished Uni yet, let alone got himself a job, and a first step on the career ladder.You have already done this, had the experiences. As you say "I have a good job, considerable savings, have a degree, and a comfortable 2 bedroomed apartment in a great area".He does not have most of these things. He shares the flat with you, but he does not have savings of his own, or a job. Have you considered the issue that he may have to move to a different area to get a job in his chosen field? What happens when/if you do get pregnant? You cannot keep up a high powered job with a baby in tow. Will he feel pressurised to work to make up for it?I am an old fashioned girl, you have been together for 3 years, but are not married. He may well not be ready to even consider children until he is 30 - maybe later. Can you wait that long, or do you want children that badly? Is it really fair to expect him to give up the opportunities that may come up for him because you are wanting to get pregnant? I am 26, only a year older than him, and I can tell you 100% that I am not ready, mentally, physically or in my career to have a baby. He is being honest with you, not doing it to spite you.I think you need to decide if your want for a child outweighs your partners wishes, and if he really is the man you should be with. Maybe you need to reconsider your options and either accept that at 25 he is not ready for a baby, or move on and find a man who is of an age who is ready to settle down and create the family that you crave so badly.
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A
female
reader, L-O-V-E xxx +, writes (6 November 2009):
i know this may be hard for you but if you keep nagging your parner about then he might be put off the idea for good, so just wait until he's ready and in the mean time pursue your desires by looking in baby shops, buying clothes for babies or looking in pram shops and stuff. I'm only fourteen and i would love a baby! I look after my little cousin cara and brother their only 3 and 5 sooo yeah but i mean i would never have a baby at this age as i am notstable like you are. So thats what i do, look at baby things and clothes and maybe you could even take a part time babysitting career??
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A
female
reader, L-O-V-E xxx +, writes (6 November 2009):
i know this may be hard for you but if you keep nagging your parner about then he might be put off the idea for good, so just wait until he's ready and in the mean time pursue your desires by looking in baby shops, buying clothes for babies or looking in pram shops and stuff. I'm only fourteen and i would love a baby! I look after my little cousin cara and brother their only 3 and 5 sooo yeah but i mean i would never have a baby at this age as i am notstable like you are. So thats what i do, look at baby things and clothes and maybe you could even take [p a part time babysitting career??
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2009): I'm also 30 and the urge I feel to get pregnant is overwhelming at times. I found it helpful to remind myself that I don't want to have to convince my hubby to want a child - my future family will be amazing when he's ready and we are both thrilled to be pregnant. In the meantime I volunteer at my church's nursery and babysit for friends to get my "baby fix."
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A
female
reader, sarcy24 +, writes (6 November 2009):
 I understand exactly what you are going through because when I was 30 I desperately started wanting a child too. I had a good job but was not fufilled in any way. My husband was not very interested and I had to badger him into it. I would say in hindsight that it was the wrong move because he was not interested at all in the child we eventually had. I got pregnant at 33 and had a boy. All I could think about prior to this was having a child and I bought endless little outfits and such on the off chance. I don't think it is a good idea to pressurise your partner not that i am suggesting you are, and I would suggest you let him finish uni and get a job and then you start trying. At 25 he is quite young. I do know that this won't matter to you, my husband was a lot younger than me, but in all things it appears to be best to let people make up their own minds and decide when the time is right for them even if it is not what you want. I would take the next year and make yourself fit, start taking all the folic acid and other tablets and things you will need, swim and get yourself ready for being pregnant. Try to keep a lid on the resentment as it really doesn't get you anywhere and believe me I should know! Good luck
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