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age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: hi im 18 and i have been in a 2 month long distance relationship with a man from argentina who is 27. we met on the internet so we havent met in person yet.however we connect very well. im in love with him and he says he loves me to.but a couple days ago he has been getting angry a lot and when i ask what is wrong he says that i am bothering him and then doesnt talk with me.on wednesday night he was angry with me and i dont know why. and i told him that i havent had a good week and his mood is making it worse. he said 'so you lied to me then, you said you were fine, it seems im not important to him, i thought you share anything with me'. the reason i told him i was fine earlier in the week is because i dont want him to worry and i tell everyone im fine when they ask. i dont like to bother people with that. he wouldnt talk to me for several hours and then i asked if we could talk and he said ok.i told him why i had a bad week and that i got a letter from my ex saying that he still likes me. my man got angry then and wouldnt let me talk he left the talk and then on msn he said that i still have feelings for my ex boyfriend and that he hopes i have a good life. he didnt let me talk or say anything. i do not have feelings for my ex, i was the one that dumped him. but my man wouldnt listen to me and went offline.this totally destroyed me, i have depression so things are bad anyway. but this has really hurt me. i cant stop crying and it hurts si much.the day after i called him to try and talk with him. he was at work and he said he couldnt talk but he sounded really angry. later at night he came online on msn so i tried to talk to him but he kept saying stop bothering me, i have nothing to say to you. and he said to not call him again. and he threatens to block me.i dont know what to do. im so scared of losing him, he means so much to me. i cant stand the thought of living without him. i love him so much it would kill me if i lost him.i dont see how he can do this as i have done nothing wrong. he doesnt let me explain or finished talking. how can he say he loves me and then do this?please help me. i really dont know what to do. i havent been able to go to school or stop crying since wednesday. it hurts so much and it feels like my heart is breaking. i really love this guy and i want to spend my life with him and he says he wants the same. i dont want to lose him. please help
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at work, long distance, msn, my ex, the internet Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Neoloverboy23  +, writes (12 November 2009):
 He might be still thinking that you are nothing more than a cheater. I know he loves you so much and it kills him that he's having so much pain and suffering that he might have felt this way all the time. What was he like before? Was he sweet and kind to you? You got to let him know that you want to be with him and only him, but you can't let him overpower you because like what Peanutbutter says, he might become controlling and he may need some counseling to dear with his problem. I know I still have trust issues and I'm working on it. What I did was I wrote what I was feeling in a blog, and it may have given me some closure, but having full 100% trust doesn't happen overnight. I'll be honest with you. After reading about that problem, it's really good to know that I wasn't the only one with that problem, and I feel that your boyfriend and I do need to work on our emotions. You should read my column and you can tell that it's almost similar to that, but that's digressing from the actual topic lol. You should ask him to write about his feelings like I did and ask him to seek help. If he still doesn't listen and he's becoming more stubborn, then I would suggest that he needs to find his own way in dealing with his problem because it's not your fault and it's not his. It's his past experiences that are hindering his relationship with you at this point. Do your best to keep the conversation calm and mellow, but if he's still the same, don't give up on him because if you do, then he'll become so bitter that the whole relationship will fall apart and your emotional state dies along with it.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni talked to him yesterday and the situation is a lot better now. however he still doesnt let me explain things. he seems to come to his own conclusion about stuff i say and then not let me explain what i mean. it is frustating as i dont want us to have a problem but if he doesnt let me explain im sure we will have a problem.
any ideas?
thank you all for your advice particularly neoloverboy23 and peanutbutter.
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A
female
reader, PeanutButter +, writes (6 November 2009):
 I met my husband online 3 years ago, there were real intense feelings there for him before we physically met, but we always kept those emotions to ourselves because the fact that we'd never physically met meant that we were only thus far in love with what we pictured each other to be in our minds, including the bits we filled in ourselves from lack of actual physical contact.
I have no doubt that you feel that you know and love this man, but perhaps it is safer for you to take a small step backwards from him for a short while and try and grasp your own feelings and get them into check.
Spending a lot of time emotionally on someone who isn't physically able to be there for you is exhausting and mentally draining. I felt terrible for months on end being apart from the man I thought I loved and longed to meet - it wasn't good for my health and it isn't good for yours.
When we finally met, it all fell into place, we were very lucky because it doesn't always work out like that. We spent a lot of time apart after our initial meet, but eventually managed to get it together.
We conversed a LOT because without contact it is really hard to judge how the other person is feeling or, sometimes, find the right conversation to have, but it is something you have to work at in order to pull it off - in most cases, unfortunately, it fades before it gets started.
Perhaps with this guy you're lack of contact is pushing his feelings aside and he doesn't know what to do with that. Perhaps he is, as others have said, controlling and these red flags are going up all over the place and you need to look at the signs.
I would suggest either trying again to talk to him, explain how you're feeling about the situation, you have to be honest. If he isn't forthcoming in understanding, it is probably time to look elsewhere and move on - no matter how much you feel for him right now, the pain and anguish of a relationship that is flawed before it is built, is not one that can be built to last.
I have my fingers crossed that it works out for you, whatever you decide to do.
xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni didnt go looking for someone online, we met on xbox live and somehow connected, it just feels right i cant explain it. i know it sounds strange but i feel like i know him very well and i trust him a lot. he knows i would do anything for him and i try very hard to make him happy. i dont want to lose him and i told him that i wont give up on us. but im afraid that he wont listen to me when i try to talk to him. im so scared of losing him as he means so much to me
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2009): I never used to go fishing for lovers online, until one strange day, when an electrical stimulus synapsed in the wrong axon...and well to make a long story short. I ended up cutting my hair even shorter unfortunately to avoid pulling it out out of self-derision and mortification. So, Yeah, if you love your hair, you should look for a boyfriend within your own country...er state..er city...er neighborhood. Ok, I was just joking... that was an attempt to cheer you up. The point still stands though. If there is no continuous physical contact to cement the emotion, and I don't mean sex...I mean daily life...even the strongest emotions can die. That's just the fate of all LDR... sorry. So pick yourself up and take care of the life you have.
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female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (6 November 2009):
 First of all, you don't love him...you don't know him. You met someone online and you only know them online - you don't know what they are like in the real world. It sounds like he has emotional and control issues (as do many people seeking love online) and his current behaviour tells you to approach this 'relationship' with caution. Get treatment for depression and get off dating sites until you feel better.
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A
male
reader, Neoloverboy23 +, writes (6 November 2009):
I know your pain and I'm going through the same way with my LDR girlfriend. You see, it's about trust and I feel that he thinks that you're cheating on him with your ex, but you wrote that you dumped your ex. It's really hard for him because he might have been having some past issues that have affected him and it may seem that he's only accusing you because he's afraid of those same mistakes. I'm just like him and sometimes I get angry at my girlfriend because she has a lot of suitors and it scares me that I thought I was about to lose her. I feel it's the same way with you and your LDR boyfriend. So got to try to be patient with him and do your best to love him no matter what, but you need to ask him why he always feel that way when you're with him. He really has a lot of issues that he needs to help himself to get back together; he also needs support from you dear.
I really suggest that you and him try to talk about this and really communicate with him to see what you can do to make him feel better. You also need to try to give him some time because I think he might be insecure. So, don't give up on him and help him to try to relax because I know that you're not the type of person who would cheat on him. If he a past relationship issue that made him feel that way, tell him to try to let it go because it will only be worse for you and him. It might get to a point where he'll get violent. So you really need to help him out and he also needs to have the willpower to conquer his past and let it go. I hope this advice might help you out.
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