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anonymous
writes: I need advice, as i feel like i am starting to go mad constantly worrying about my problem.I have been with my boyfriend and we have an amazing relationship.We are constantly telling each other how much we love each other, we hardly spend any time apart and my boyfriend seems completly devoted to me. I know i should be happy cos i know he loves me, but we have a big problem. We hardly ever have sex.We are very tactile and loving but my boyfriend never seems interested in a sexual relationship.We hardly kiss passionately any more and sex is about once a week.If that.Its never a long experience either and he is very controlling when we do. This could be cos he is a taurus! but its driving me mad. He freaks out if i initiate it or try to talk about it saying he fancies me but likes to be in control,basically it is always on his terms. My big problem is he looks at porn a lot and see's nothing wrong in checking out other girls, he says its natural and does not mind if i do the same, but this just makes me feel inadequate cos i want that kind of attention. I am considering cheating on him because i am desperate for some excitement and passion but i know this would break both our hearts, but he makes me feel really unattractive. I am staring to get really down, what can i do? I love him so much and could not ask for a better boyfriend but i cant see a way to solve this. when we first got together it was the amazing sex that was the initial attraction and now thats gone. Help!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A reader, Starr, writes (5 February 2005): Well if you feel like he is no longer attracted to you, you need to ask him if there is a problem and tell him why you feel that there is a problem.If talking does not answer you questions, maybe you should come to reality that either you are waisting your time with him or he's gay.If he feel that it's okay to check out other females but ignore your looks to the point that he's not interested in having sex with you,then you need to end this relationship and find someone who will give you what you desire without you even having to hint to him what you want.Don't try to keep something that is bringing you down,get something that is worth your time and will give you the pleasure your body is looking to recieve.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2005): I hate to break it to you, but it sounds like you could ask for a better boyfriend. This male is controlling and doesn't respect you. Sex has to be on his terms? That's just crazy, that's something out of the 50's or something. If he can't handle a modern woman and her desires, he doesn't deserve to be with a woman. Normally, I think porn is fine, but its different when he ignores your feelings and needs. He says its normal, but its disrespectful.I suggest instead of cheating, break up with this man right away. And I also suggest working on your own self esteem issues and learn to love your body(I suggest this both figuratively and physically, a little self-love never hurt anybody!). Once you are comfortable with yourself then I you will be ready to enter a new relationship with a man who actually respects you.
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