A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I spent the night at my boyfriend's place last night. I was laid off 3 months ago, so I didn't really have anywhere important to go the next day. Well, my bf left for work at 7:15am this morning, and I woke up at 9:30am. I called my bf, as I often do when I get up, and we talked for a few minutes. I was turning on his computer as we talked, and found that the internet was not working. Here's the thing: My bf has "xbox live" for playing his games online and DSL internet. He uses one ethernet cable for either his xbox or his computer, and just plugs the cable into whichever device he wants an internet connection to. So, if the cable is connected to his xbox and he wants to use his computer for internet, he would have to disconnect the cable from the xbox, plug it into the computer, turn the power off from the modem, wait a few seconds, turn it back on, then turn on the computer. If you don't turn the power off/on from the modem first, you usually won't be able to get a connection on the computer.That said, after I woke up this morning, I needed to check my email for jobs, and so I was going to use my bf's computer (as I have done several times before). I went through the same process as I explained above, since my bf was playing games online the night before and therefore the ethernet cable was connected to the xbox, and unfortunately, I was unable to open any webpage. I told my bf this, as we were still on the phone, and his immediate response was this, "You did something wrong. It has to be operator error!" This really agitated me, and I said "what makes you think I did something wrong? I did the exact same thing I always do when I want to use your computer!" And so he says, "Because I just used it yesterday, now you're messin' with it, and now it's not working. You did something wrong."I was getting pretty defensive...He kept saying "it has to work, I just used it, if it's not working now, you probably broke it!" I finally said "you used it last, maybe you did something to make it not work for me now!" We argued for about 2 minutes about why he shouldn't just blame me right off the bat for the internet not working.Then he tells me to do exactly what he says in order to get it to work. Fine. He tells me to power off the modem. I do it. He says, "I'm waiting for you to say 'done' when it's done!" I say, "it's off." He tells me to make sure the ethernet cable is plugged all the way in into the computer. (he brought this up earlier during the phone convo, to which I told him I checked that and that it was all the way in.) So I said, "I already did that, it's in", while I still double checked to make sure it was in...but really, you can tell if it's in or not! He got upset, because I said I already did that instead of just doing it again i suppose, told me to do exactly what he tells me to do, that I couldn't do one simple thing as to just do what he says so he doesn't have to worry about his stuff not working all day while he's at work. So I'm like, "just because I said I already did that, doesn't mean I'm not doing what you say!"So he continues with the instructions...tells me to power the modem back on and turn on the computer. He asks me what lights I see on the modem. I say, "the power light, and the DSL light". We wait for the computer to start, then I tell him it's ready. He says something that sounds like he wanted me to open Internet Explorer, but I didn't hear him very clearly, so I said "what? what do you want me to do?" He says, "if you were listening, you would know!" And I'm like, "i was listening, i didn't completely understand you! You want me to open the internet browser, right?" And he says, "so you did hear me then!" And I'm just getting so upset with him...I told him to stop talking to me like that. Then he says to just forget it, turn the computer off, he's just gonna have to worry about it all day because of me. "Thanks a lot", he says. and hangs up.He calls back, goes off about how I don't care about his stuff, that I don't even care that I broke his sh*t...I keep saying that he's treating me like crap, as though I'm some stupid girl who's never used a computer, like I've never used his computer before, or like I would even intend to break his stuff in the first place. He tells me I call him at work, bothering him, telling him his internet doesn't work, and doesn't even try to help him out by doing exactly what he says. I said, "I was doing what you said!"We have about 3 more phone conversations, arguing about this...I get really angry that he thinks it's right to treat me like I intended to ruin his stuff, or like he knows for sure that I was the one doing something wrong. And there have been several times before when he would be all agitated that his internet wasn't working for some reason. This time, however, he seemed so, so sure it was "operator error".I know this all sounds so stupid to most people, and I feel stupid writing this. But I do love my bf, and I want to know if I was wrong to be upset that he would be giving me so much attitude and making me feel so bad for his internet not working. He says I started all this, because I was the one causing the internet not to work in the first place...that I should understand why he was "testy" with me at all...especially since he was at work. I guess I feel like he shouldn't just blame me right away, when he wasn't even there to see exactly what I did. He could have had more faith, as opposed to just thinking "gee, it worked for me yesterday, if it's not working for you today, you must have done something wrong."But should I have been more accepting of the fact that I may have done something wrong somehow? He says that if I had stopped fighting him so much when he was trying to tell me what to do, he would have been able to finish the instructions and therefore, fixed the problem then and there. But I feel like it's unfair that he had to be such a jerk about it all..that I should be allowed to defend myself. He was the one who gave up and said to forget about it!I told him that even IF i was the one who messed it up, I would feel bad already...there was no need to make me feel more bad. He's like, "you feeling bad doesn't take away the fact that my computer, worth thousands, would be broken!"Was I wrong here?
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2009): The whole thing got way blown out of proportion. anyone would've gotten defensive though withaccusations thrown at him. It sounds like there's a lot more going on then what's at hand. He may be bottleing up a problem he has with the relationship so he's exploding at things he shouldn't be angry at. He may feel resentment that you have been living with him and are laid off so clearly can't help pay for things like he wants you to. and it's not your fault so he's not saying anythign about it but is instead blowing his top off at inapporpriate times. I would just talk to him if i were you and ask him what the REAL problem is.
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female
reader, kellyxxx  +, writes (8 May 2009):
 Your boyfriend is a major arse!
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