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female
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anonymous
writes: my boyfriend has a sister and brother-in-law that lives in a different state. they did not like my boyfriends wife and since her death they started trying to control my bf. they have never liked me and i have always been very nice to them. they just don't want him to have anyone so that he can go with the brother-in-law fishing and hunting anytime he wants to. they never visited my bf and his family over the years. my bf says that it was because of his wifes illness but another family member told me that they just never liked his wife. since he is free now of a commitment, they want him to stay this way. i have told him that they re not in the same area and they are not at home waiting for him each night. they just don't care if he has to come home to an empty home. they should be glad that he has someone to care about him. my bf wants them to like me and accept me before we get engaged. he says this is very important to him.....that they like me. these people are very hard to deal with. i try to telll my bf that they have a choice. either they like me or they don't like me. he wants so much to please them and get their approval that it is hurting our relationship. please tell me the best way for me top handle this situation. it is very hard for me. we are older and my bf is the kind of person that wants to please everyone. he does not want to hurt anyones feeling. thanks.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2006): Ideally, this problem should have been nipped in the bud, but since it's well past that stage they need to be dealt with.
Send them a letter asking them why they don't want you to be happy together and why they think that they can control your boyfriend. Ask them if they know how much they're straining your relationship and how upset they're making your boyfriend because he feels like he has to impress them all the time. And basically, everything you've just told dearcupid. It would be much easier to send it in a letter rather than ringing them or telling them.
Plus, if they live so far away, don't let them into your life. After the wedding (which you're not going to put off because of these two horrors) you don't need them in your life at all and they can't do anything about it if you choose not to.
Talk to your boyfriend about their behaviour, tell him that after the wedding it might be best not to have anything to do with them. I know you said he likes pleasing everyone but these people aren't going to be people that he's ever going to please, are they?
Tell him that you've sent them a letter telling them how you feel, it's best you tell him before he finds out. Don't let two people ruin what could be your chance to be happy Hun x
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