A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Well I'm 20 and my boyfriend is 38. Yes I know it's a big age difference but we've been together for over a year and a half and he is the love of my life. He has an older sister, a younger sister and an older brother. Obviously his older siblings have children but his younger one got married about a year ago and is now about to have a baby and I can tell her is upset. I guess I can't blame him. I just feel bad because I don't know what to say or how to say something to make him feel better about the situation. Any suggestions? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (17 June 2011):
I'll start by saying I could be wrong and that the following is based on a guess. Please do not be offended if it does not apply to your situation. I'm not a psychic. Anyway, here goes:
I have a feeling your boyfriend (loosely) ties his goals in life to a certain age. Many people undermine themselves that way, using age as a measuring stick to success. "I should have my first lay at 16, move out at 18, finish college at 21, have a career at 25, get kids at 30..." etc. etc. This is just an example, but you know the stereotypes society imposes onto itself. This has absolutely no purpose at all and worse of all it puts him in a box he can't get out of. When he's 40 he'll probably consider himself to be "too old" for certain things.
He should learn that there is no measuring stick other than happiness--your and his happiness to be exact. Every human being has his/her own pacing at the game called life, and so what if his younger sibling has kids? He should be happy for her instead of wondering what that makes him. If he takes care of himself and stays healthy he should be able to tackle whatever the future throws at him. With the right mindset, that is.
Besides, he has you as a girlfriend. Not the most common match out there. Why should everything else go by the book? Maybe you could approach the subject from this POV.
A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (16 June 2011):
 so really the question is about your boyfriend being upset because he's the only sibling left of the bunch without children? and how do you comfort him? does that sound right?being 38, unmarried, and without kids doesn't make someone's life a failure. just the same way being married with children doesn't make your life successful. think about how many people are his age, with a handful of children running around, a wife, a high-paying job, a nice car, and a nice house. ask them if they're happy? they'll tell you hell no. they would kill to be single again without all that. they can't stand their wife, are unhappy and want a divorce, or are cheating. they hate their job, etc. it's funny how two different people can look at the same situation from completely different perspectives. the ultimate thing that matters is who you are and how you live your life.is having children something you see yourself wanting? if so, you two can have that together some day. and if you stay with this man, you eventually may decide to get married, as well. it's really nothing to feel upset about. as long as he's living right and doing right, that, to me, is all that really matters.
...............................
A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (16 June 2011):
 He's upset because he's 38, never been married and has no children.
Well, he can not go back in time and make different choices and unless YOU are ready to make that commitment now, he can not move forward.
So, maybe he should let go of it (not his business that she is having a baby) and appreciate what he DOES have.
Best Wishes.
...............................
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (16 June 2011):
 Tell him he is better off, if he had married and had children BUT the woman wasn't the right fit for him, he'd be divorced with child support payments. It was much wiser on his part to just wait until the right woman comes along for him. Whether that woman is you remains to be seen.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2011): I think hes being selfish. He should be happy for his sister. Its not her fault hes never preposed or started a family. If hes that upset about it he should get a move on. But really now it takes time. You need to make sure u find the right person and to make sure its what you want. It doesnt make him less of a person because of it and he still has time. I would encourage him to be happy for her and then tell him when the time is right he will have that too.
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (16 June 2011):
 we need to know why he's upset before we can advise on what to do...
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe's upset because he's 38, never been married and has no children.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2011): You haven't explained your question very well. But from the description you gave there isn't anything for him to be upset about, his sister's married and having a baby, what's the problem?
...............................
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (16 June 2011):
Yeah why IS he upset?
...............................
|
