A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for five months - he is 30 and I'm 29. We are moving in together in a couple of weeks which seems fast but we both want to and think its the right thing to happen and we get get along really well, sex life is great and have spent a weeks holiday together. Anyway my question is this... He said "I love you" for the first time last week. It was after I had given him oral sex that he said it. I didn't say anything back straight away because it surprised me. He's not a very vocal person normally and had told me about a month ago that he was scared of falling in love in case he got hurt. That he didn't think he was good enough for me. It's the one and only time that he has shown any insecurity and was embarassed after he told he told me he was scared of getting hurt. So anyway, he hugged me and said I love you straight after! Then he said it again about an hour later when we were cuddling and I said it back. It felt right. Anyway, he hasn't said it since. I'm really happy but afraid that what he meant was that he loved the sex... Now I'm afraid to tell him I love him in case he runs a mile! I know it's silly, maybe we are both afraid! Feels like im back at square one. I don't need him to say it all the time, I agree that those three little words are thrown around quite flippantly these days! My question is - do you think he meant it?! I'm not complaining about the when! Just unsure... Male viewpoints welcome!!!
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I love you, oral sex, sex life Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2013): Words are cheap so don't go by a guy's words go by his actions
Of course for someone who isn't verbally expressive talk may not be cheap but such person could also be unused to expressing their true feelings and thus say things that aren't exactly true.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2013): There's really no way for any of us to know how sincere he was when he said that. It is at a moment when people are at a high and just like when someone is high/drunk, they'll say things they wouldn't normally (sometimes true things, sometimes untrue things). If he said it later on when you were cuddling, I think it's a fair sign that he meant it. Has he been saying it since? If so, I don't think you need to worry about it. I think his timing was just off that night. If he hasn't, then you may feel concerned.Also, not to be that guy, but this is what happens when you have a sexual relationship before marriage, and especially before either of you say that you at least love the other person. Intimacy is for those who have an intimate relationship, and I believe it's meant for marriage, but I think most anyone would agree it should at least take place between people who love one another (and have said it regularly prior to the act). Just my two cents.
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A
male
reader, CMMP  +, writes (23 February 2013):
I think the word is less important than his actions. People say it at all different times in a relationship, some at the beginning (or even worse before they even meet), and some never say it.
If he treats you like he loves you then don't worry too much about it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2013): Hopefully he did mean it since you're all ready to move in together (far too soon by the way).
I recall once during some very intense, very pleasurable sex I had the urge to say "I love you" to the person but thankfully I didn't because it wouldn't have been true.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2013): I think he did mean it, not because he said so, but because all his actions point to him loving you. Moving in with you, spending holidays with you, treating you well, that you two get along great. All that. That he said it right after you gave him a bj, well his timing was unusual haha. But come to think of it, I've heard men's testorone levels decrease right after sex putting them at about the same level emotionally as women. Which means that their thought process is at it's most rational and truthful after sex because their brains aren't all foggy from being horny. So yeah he did mean it. Fyi, guys who don't really love a woman probably would've told them they love them during foreplay or during sex (foggy brains), not after. And they certainly wouldn't stick around too long after they got what they wanted. Anyway, you're cool.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (23 February 2013):
 my husband rarely says I love you. I used to say never says it but he said it last week I think... it was about the 5th time I've heard him tell me. And usually it's after alcohol.... He does love me... I know he loves me... he just never says it... (he told me at the wedding so I would have it on a recording)
I read a great book called "the 5 languages of love" some of us use words to express love, some use acts of service to express love... there are 5 ways people express love. How they express love is also how they interpret what you say and do.
My husband does not use words... for him it's "acts of service" and "acts of time" so I know that when he does things for me... it's how he says I love you. and I know that no matter how often I tell him "I Love you" he doesn't hear it if I am not doing acts of service... so when I make dinner and clean the home we share he knows I love him.
I learned from this man, that words really are cheap and can mean nothing... and to be honest... hearing it all the time from my ex husband it got to mean nothing... now when I hear it (about every 3 months) it means so much more....
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A
female
reader, franny1297 +, writes (23 February 2013):
 Don't move in with him, im pretty sure he said 'i love you' just because you gave him oral. Wanna know if he really loves you... don't have sex with him, just don't. This way you'll be able to see if he truly loves you or if he 'loves' you just for your body and pleasure. What's wrong with people these days. You have sex after your married, you move in after your married, you go to different countries, WHEN your married! otherwise marriage is pointless. Take my advice and Good Luck!!
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