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female
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anonymous
writes: I have been with my boyfriend for six years, and his parents dont accept me because I come from latin america, and we are now living together and he refuses to tell his parents. I feel very bad cause I feel he doesnt want to stand up for me? when his family comes he even asks me to leave. I cant stand it any more, what should I do? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Lillyspade +, writes (20 October 2006):
 Six year is a very long time to be invisible.
Although I understand that family bond is very important, this is a bit extreem and ridiculous.
You are living together..
Sweetie, I do not understand how you have accepted this for that long period of time, especially a latina will not take that kind of crap from anyone.
I agree with Stina, you should leave, but you do it with a bang..... When his family is in town and you are asked to leave, agree. Then make sure you come back while they are there and announce "honey I am home" Tell his family at that point how long you have been together and the fact that they are in your home, Make sure they know that their son makes you leave everytime they come around. Then turn to your boyfriend and let him know that you refuse to be invisible anymore, that you came for some of your stuff becuase you are leaving him.
A
female
reader, stina  +, writes (19 October 2006):
 Hi Anon,
This man doesn't respect you or his relationship with you. The way I feel about relationships is that you care about that person more than anyone else in the world. There comes a time when a bond with the parent should become less than the bond with your partner. If he truly loved you, he would not want to hide it from anyone, and he especially wouldn't want to kick you out of your own home for someone else!!
Listen, if it's been six years of stuff like this, then you have to ask yourself if you want it to go on another six exactly the same. Or even another six minutes. What he is doing is hurtful to you and hurtful to the relationship. Is he choosing to ignore it because it's convenient or is he really this out of touch with how to be a caring person? Honestly I don't know how you could go this long, you must feel emotionally exhausted.
If I were you, I would leave this guy. I would find someone who is happy about being with me. And someone I know I could spend the rest of my future with (what would happen if you both wanted to get married? Would he not want to because his parents won't like it? He needs to get real.) I know that because you two have been together for a long time, you will feel like you really don't want to go. But listen, if you've tried everything you can and this man doesn't even want to budge, then what else could you do?
I suppose you could try counseling, but if his parents have this strong of a hold on him, then there's more needed than just couples counseling here. It sounds like family counseling would be in order. It seems like there are so many factors here that would contribute to an unhealthy relationship that it's unbelievable you stuck by him so long.
Let me ask you this - what has HE done to make this relationship work? You've done more than your fair share by pretending not to exist...
Like I said, I strongly suggest getting out of this and finding someone who genuinely cares about you - ethnic heritage and all.
Take care.
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