A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello, I am a 20 year old girl who has been going out with her bf for just over 6 months. We have both said that we love each other and recently, he has mentioned that he has thought about us living together. He also said that he never said it sooner as he didnt want to scare me. He thought it might have been way too soon, which it totally is, and we both agreed that maybe its best to wait til we have both graduated that way none of us will have major distractions (and also, I have also said that i would never move in with anyone... til i have graduated).So, right now he lives with this guy from his uni class, but he rarely sees him as he keeps himself to himself and when i am in the flat, its like he doesn't live with anyone cause the guy is that quiet sometimes and barely comes out of his room. So, because of this, he is thinking of getting another flat for summer with three guys in his class (all of which are single) and because they are a lot more sociable and they wouldn't just stay in their rooms etc. They probably would go out more to clubs and I've been told that the other guys are all single and so chat up girls in clubs.My question is ... do you think my boyfriend will cheat on me? if he does go to clubs with these guys and they are all chatting up girls? he has always said to me that he would never chat up another girl as he has me and that i am the only girl for him, he also tells me how beautiful i am everyday and often says he loves me (he has even started speaking about a bday/Christmas present idea he has thought about for me ... and that's like 6 months away :O)Before we started going out, I broke up with my boyfriend of whom i had been going out with for 4 years. The last year we went out i cheated because i didn't love him anymore and because i felt like i had missed out on going out and having fun (kissing random guys at the dancing's etc and also just flirting with them). And well, with my boyfriend the opposite thing has happened with him. He went out with a girl for 3 years who cheated on him and he said it messed him up when it happened and he usually says that she is a whore and a bitch ... and says that he knows i would never hurt him like that. But, sometimes he will do as the group does, like for example drink when he doesn't drink at all or smoke just because the group is doing it (he says its easy to be peer pressured, but says, he would never be peer pressured into cheating as he would just refuse and leave) do you think he will cheat once he moves into this flat with 4 single guys?Or do you think this guy really loves me, is completely serous and really wants this relationship to go somewhere?thanks
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2011): Hey there!
The whole peer pressure thing is nonsense. A mature person will stand in a crowd doing what they believe is bes for themselves, even if that means them going at it alone. The fact your relationship did have some prior issues with cheating, I will caution here that there is certain potential for him to at least meet other women. Now, it seems as tho the trust has been rebuilt because I feel you havent had to twist his arm at mentioning the idea of moving in with three other lads. Am I right? I would compromise with him on some things. For example, no drinking when he's with the guys but only with you and same goes for you.
In addition, try to set up times to talk or even just briefly text at a couple points in a nite where he does go out so you two can continue to have that trust together. That would be a great idea in fact.
No doubt this guy really has to know what he wants and who he is a person if he's going to be this young and potentially present himself with some temptations. Its your relationship that can help aid that greatly and together you both can make good decisions until you can live together. Good luck :)
A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (31 March 2011):
 I think from the sounds of things he just wants some company and some male companionship, there is no harm in that! Look at it this way - if you went to a club with some single female friends, does that mean you would cheat? Of course the answer is no!
People only cheat if they are unhappy in a relationship, not just because their friends are telling them to! If he loves you and wants to be with you long term then he is not going to do anything stupid, he can still go out with friends, have fun and enjoy himself without cheating, and I'm sure this is the way he thinks.
Try not to worry about this, he just wants to be around sociable people rather than being lonely with his current roomate. You can still have single friends and not be tempted to join them in their activities, after all - if these guys are chatting up women then they are looking for girlfriends, so your boyfriend is simply one step ahead of them and has already met that great girl that these guys are still looking for!
It sounds to me like your relationship is great and he has given you no reason so far not to trust him - so simply trust him until he does something that causes you not to. If after these nights out he starts acting weird, getting messages/calls on his mobile, not seeing you as much etc then fair enough, that is reason not to trust him. But right now, when he is telling you he loves you and is making plans for the future, you have no reason to be concerned.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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