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female
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*luemoon
writes: I need some serious advice--I apologize if this is long. Background info: I have been in a relationship for 6 years. We met as undergraduates and spent a little over a year together before I was accepted to graduate school across the country. I suggested we break up and see where life would lead us. He didn't want to break up and instead moved to a job that would be closer to me (only a 4.5 hour drive) and that we should stay together--he said he could never imagine life without me. For the next 4 years we saw each other every 2 weeks, talked on the phone every night and every afternoon. He proposed to me in January and I left school a year early to finish my dissertation in the same city as him. We decided shortly after I moved to wed in October and we were finally happy. About 4 weeks ago as I was studying for an exam I got an anonymous email telling me to get tested for an STD because he had cheated on me. He denied it for a while before I finally convinced him to tell me everything. The "truth" as I now understand is that 2 years ago while "drunk" he received oral sex in a bathroom at a party hosted by his collegues (the people I now also work with by the way--everyone knew about this except me). Then a short time later he went to this girls house for movie night, waited until the other invitees left, and received some more oral sex from her. This stopped with that girl, then 6 months later he received oral sex with another girl in the bathroom at another party (a girl I know quite well).QUESTION: we were in a long distance relationship, this happened a year and a half ago (before he proposed) and he's been faithful since then. He says he was sexually molested as a child and has problems now. He is getting counseling. I called off the wedding immediately but unfortunately am stuck in a lease with him. He really wants to work things out with me, saying the only reasons it happened is that he was drunk, we were in a long distance relationship, and I was busy with school. He wants to go to counseling with me and he is promising he will do anything to keep me. I love him and still can't believe this happened. Should I give him a chance?
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cheated on me, drunk, long distance, oral sex, sex with another, std, wedding Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2006): no he is not worth it, you have yourself to think about he cheated whether he was drunk or not, move on.
A
female
reader, picababe +, writes (21 October 2006):
 My boyfrind and I were long distance for a little over a year (he was on the exact opposite side of the world). We weren't as serious as we are now when he first moved away. He ended up getting drunk one night at a party and slept with his ex girlfriend. I was really hurt and devestated. We talked it out and he swore he was sorry and wanted to be with me and has been faithful since. We are living together and he moved across the world to be with me. I felt really hurt at the time. He apologized. It made me feel better in some small way knowing that he was drunk. It's no excuse for his actions but we were apart and he was lonely. I made it clear that if it ever happened again (after I had found out) then we would be over. If you really love him and want to work it out then you still have a chance. Lay down rules though and alcohol or no alcohol, if he does it again you are over. We are happier than ever and I know our situation isn't exactly the same but if you want to make it work I am just trying to give you hope that it might be able to. Hope this helps. Good luck. :o)
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A
female
reader, love crazy +, writes (10 October 2006):
no dont give him a second chance. he is not worth it. ur putting ur health and well being at risk. if he truly loved and cared for u he never would have cheated or put himself into a position where he would become vulnerable. i know it would be hard to leave ur man d/t the length of the relationship, but do u know for sure that it was just oral, and are u okay with his straying from time to time. just remember if he did it once, twice he will do it a third time. im sorry to tell u the honest truth, but its so hard for a man to change.
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A
male
reader, Dr. Reality Check  +, writes (10 October 2006):
 My relationship with my gf was long distance for most of last year, and I think its an excellent test of a relationship. The facts are, if he was sober enough to get and hold an erection, he was sober enough to know what he was doing. A long distance relationship is no excuse for cheating. If he loved you he would have been on the phone telling you how much he missed you instead of sticking hs dick in another girls mouth. You did the right thing calling off the wedding. My advice would be to see out the lease and get the hell out of there.
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A
female
reader, sleepysly +, writes (10 October 2006):
 girl your mad if you want to stay with him,what are you waiting for? aides/hes not even honest with you. if he has been getting oral sex hes been getting full sex. long distance makes things worse. find someone you can trust keep him as afriend
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