A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:So I've been dating my bf for 2 years. He was in nyc and I was in ca. So we did long distance. We talked and text every day. Id see him once a month at least. After the first year I said we should get engaged and he agreed but never went through w it cause we were not in the same place. Finally he moved or here last summer. I got curious one day and checked his phone and he had emails from a bunch of girls. Some were ex gf and others were girls wondering why he was distant and want calling. Needless to say I sae lots of naked girls pics w vibraters and all. I wad so shocked cause I thought he was only doing this stuff w me. When I condoned him he said they were old emails he had kept and then deleted them all in front of me. We still live an hour away so he haas a lot of time to himself. I forgave him but still after 2 years no ring and were constantly fighting about that. I still felt betrayed and had to know what's going on so I got all his passwords for his emails. I have never been so distraught about a guy. I even saw a therapist because I would get so irritated that he didn't want to marry me id breakup. things got better and no emails for a while till this last weekend this girl sent him a email that she wants to be w him and he told her she's not experienced so she's been watching porn to learn, and she was mad cause he had told her that he doesn't want a relationship but he would sex text her and did he think she was feelingless. So after I read it I was mad that he was sex texting and having a girl wait to be w him. His reply was I'm so sorry I made you feel that way. Im glad you feel like you can openly communucate w me. Did you like the porn? I felt betrayed cause he never said I'm in a serious relationship. His ex also constantly emails him wanting advice for work and ive told him it nreds to stop and he promised but he still does it. His lied so many times I don't know what to do. I know his not having sex w any one and its more a cyber thing but I've told him many times that's also a form of cheating. So my problem is Im in hawaii and am going to mnmeet him at his parents house for 6 days. All this happened yesterday. What do I do???? Am overreacting. I've lost all trust in this scum bag. His response when I cofronted him is she is a fast ugly girl that has a crush on him. I thought what a horrible wicked guy to mess with this poor girls feelings:(((( please help put this in perspective. Thanks
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crush, engaged, ex girlfriend, his ex, long distance, porn, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Sugarbuns  +, writes (20 March 2011):
 He's a player. Luckily he's still so busy playing you haven't been able to rope him into marrying you. If I were you, I'd skip the trip to Hawaii. It will only perpetuate a life you are not going to have. And you may love his parents, but it won't be enough to keep him from cheating, it'll only complicate things. This man has no intentions of being faithful he's just playing the game he thinks you want. Trust me if you stay with this guy, you're whole life will be spent looking under the bed for another woman's panties. He's not worth it.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much. So I did confront him and he said that girl was from brooklyn and had a big crush on him. I told him his leading women on and he has to email her and tell her his in a relationship. I just felt bad for the girl being deceived like this. He sent her a email that his in a relationship and hoped he didn't say anything to lead her on. She responded thank you so much for telling me it cleared everything up for me. But then she went on to say lucky girl and how did we meet. Blah blah. I know it was harmless but still mad he would do this behind my back:( your advice was awesome and I have to tell him this stuff . I haven't returned any of his texts or calls for 2 days but his picking me up from the airport so I guess I have to talk to him eventually. Just shows that guys can give you attention and say they love you but until you snoop into their emails and cell phones you'll never really know what's going on.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much. So I did confront him and he said that girl was from brooklyn and had a big crush on him. I told him his leading women on and he has to email her and tell her his in a relationship. I just felt bad for the girl being deceived like this. He sent her a email that his in a relationship and hoped he didn't say anything to lead her on. She responded thank you so much for telling me it cleared everything up for me. But then she went on to say lucky girl and how did we meet. Blah blah. I know it was harmless but still mad he would do this behind my back:( your advice was awesome and I have to tell him this stuff . I haven't returned any of his texts or calls for 2 days but his picking me up from the airport so I guess I have to talk to him eventually. Just shows that guys can give you attention and say they love you but until you snoop into their emails and cell phones you'll never really know what's going on.
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A
male
reader, Kilcardy +, writes (19 March 2011):
What's to put in perspective? You hit the nail on the head when you wrote "I've lost all trust in this scum bag." Why waste a plane ticket on this dickhead?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2011): GET OUT OF THIS right away! He is NOT marriage material and he is clearly NOT ready for commitments! He will cheat on you and he actually already is. He is deceiving you with using other women. He is leading you to believe that he is only being sexy with you. That is a lie. He hasn't given you a ring, you fight over this, you are finding SNEAKY texts and emails from NAKED bitches masturbating. If this isn't a form of cheating, then how come you didn't know about it? How come he didn't tell you or discuss it? He made the choice for you that he is going to do this and you have no say in it. He didn't mention to them he's in a serious relationship because that is NOT an issue for him to get sexual or not with them. He has no respect for his relationship with you. That is why he hasn't told them he's in a relationship! He wants to keep you on the side and also have this disgusting secret life on the other side. And he gets away with it because:1. The bimbos he is sexting with don't know about YOU.2. You know what he's up to but you don't do anything or say anything about it to him!! He is NOT going to suddenly get a conscience and become ethical and be honest and loyal to you, honey. He is going to continue doing this until he gets caught, dumps you, or you have the self-respect to confront him and tell him to stop this behavior or you are DONE with him. But he is clearly NOT ready for marriage. If he were, then he would not be doing such disgusting, disrespectful things. He is not right for you. I think you know this, because the right kind for you would have more respect for you and respect for your relationship than to do this. Maybe some day after he loses it all, he MIGHT jsut discover it doesn't pay to be a selfish pig. But he won't learn a damn thing of you ALLOW this freak show to continue. He is humiliating you. He thinks you are so stupid that you have no idea what he's doing. Stop letting him think that way. Take control of this situation and tell him the way it's gonna be or he can pack it up and get lost. I am sure he's got plenty of HO's he can go cry to. Let THEM make him dinner and sleep in his wet spot and deal with his LIES. I am sure he wouldn't like finding sexy emails or texts of other men with their big old wangers hanging out in a full erection, telling you they loved the PORN you sent and they want to screw you. SO stop tip-toeing around this moron and when you see one of those nasty emails or texts, toss him that cell phone and tell him this is going to STOP or he can get the FU*K OUT. Tell him you have known for a while but were hoping he'd be decent and admit it and STOP. Tell him one way or another it IS going to stop because you will be gone or he will just not be talking to those bimbos anymore. No more exes, no more shit. So if he won't stop talking to them, then YOU can stop talking to him. If he won't choose, then honey - YOU CHOOSE. You are not powerless. Get some SCROTE and stop being a victim.
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