A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid,I've been treading in dangerous waters with my best friend lately (her name is Jane). Several weeks ago her brother came into town and I had been looking forward to meeting him for a while and I finally did. We immediately had a connection and surely enough we started hanging out but agreed to not tell my best friend since she may get very angry at that fact. We have been "fooling around" and we thought it would best be kept on the down low. Anyways... the other night she saw a text from him asking if I was going to come see him after I was done hanging out with Jane. Unfortunately she started interrogating him through text and asking what was going on. He covered it up and said he was just fooling around and wasn't actually planning on a secret meeting and made Jane believe that we had never hung out and that we just casually exchanged numbers and that was all. Strike 2 happened the next night when me, jane and her brother were all in the same room and Jane took his phone and started shuffling through his texts and at that point I quickly grabbed the phone before she could read anything we've been sending each other. At that point it was really suspicious and she confronted me about it later saying she felt bad that she got mad at me and that its fine that him and i talk but I shouldn't hang out with him at all because she said it puts her in a weird position. She continued by telling me that she would flip out if she found out if I'd hang out with him behind her back. She kept going on and expressing her disapproval of the possibility of me being with him so I ended up completely lying to her. My question is... was this ok to lie? I told her that I'd never do anything with him behind her back and that we were only casually talking which is not the case. I feel like if i told her the truth then I would have lost her. I don't exactly know if I did the right thing. I felt that lying was the only thing I could do to protect her and myself and her brother from further trouble. Was I justified in this case? Should I do anything? What do I do from here.
View related questions:
best friend, exchanged numbers, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, QuirkLady +, writes (29 November 2009):
 If she finds out you've been lying it's going to blow up even worse.Just sit down with her and tell her you'd like to see more of her brother. You have talked and you enjoy each other's company. She might get mad but you know what? She can't do a darn thing about it. As long as you are honest, everybody has their eyes wide open and all of you treat each other with respect it can work out.Good luck.
A
female
reader, straight to the truth  +, writes (29 November 2009):
if you really like this guy and the feelinhs are mutual then you should tell your friend. she should be old enough to understand and not act like a child. she is probably worried that she might get left out as her best friend and her brother will be dating.she is probably worying that she wont see your or him much and she will be on her own so you just need to make sure you make time for her too.You also need to make sure you dont mess her brother around and if the two of you have any problems at all then you dont discuss them with her and you dont put her in the middle of anything. and the most important rule of all "NEVER ASK HER TO CHOOSE BETWEEN YOU!" if everything goes wrong between you and him then you must not take it out on her and you must not discuss it with her because she will be in a very dificult position because she will be forced to defend her brother from anything you say. I think you lied because you were put on the spot but she is being unreasonable by saying dont see my brother and if you do it behind my back i will flip, so dont do it behind her back talk to her explain it wont effect your friendship and that you really like him. just make sure he feels the same way before you do this. she will come round eventually even if she does flip out at first. just think if you and he end up in love and getting married then you and your best firend will be sister in laws!
...............................
|
