A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: don't know what's happening to me lately, I have got really jealous and insecure and it's really starting to get me down as I seem to be constantly upset over something, if its not one girl its another.I work in the same company as my boyfriend and we've recently moved onto the same floor. I was dreading this as I was thinking I don't want to see him flirt with anyone just as he wouldn't want me too either. I am sure we all do a bit but do necessarily want to see it in a partner.I told my bf that his new PA (who happens to be a friend of mine), was really pretty and I was worried he would like her more than me. He tried to reassure me by saying that he found me more attractive, and whilst she was pretty would still rather be with me anyway.She started working with his team yesterday and all day I felt on edge worrying that he would want her more than me. I asked him on the way home, and again he said she's pretty but I'd rather be with you. I tried to forget it, also knowing they hadn't spoken made me feel better. Then today I found he had gone over to introduce himself and later asked some work type question (in my irrational mind he was doing this just to go check her our), rationally I know this is quite normal.I am really worried that if I keep thinking and feeling these things and then going and telling him that I am going to ruin our relationships. I know that there will always be prettier girls than me but I just want him to want me, I just don't know how to push the thoughts out of my mind. It's getting me really down and upset as I don't know how to resolve it and don't want to keep annoying him by bringing up such insignificant things. I feel horrible as well because she is my friend and I know that neither her or him would ever do anything bad towards me but I just hate the thought that he may think she's so much better than me :-(Sorry for the rant
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you both for the advice :-)I am going to see someone about it, appreciate your positivity!!x
A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (15 March 2012):
 I think you need to try counselling/therapy I'm afraid. It sounds to me like you have self-esteem issues that are causing your insecurities, only a professional can help you with that I'm afraid.
Try googling 'low self esteem and insecurity' and you will get lots of results that could help you.
By being insecure you are sabotaging your relationship, asking him daily about other women is going to push him away and eventually you will lose him if you carry on like this. No man wants a needy insecure girlfriend, they want a happy confident girl who is secure in the knowledge that their boyfriend is with them because he loves her and that is all that matters.
You should feel secure in this relationship because at the end of the day, he is with you, he loves you, he is attracted to you....if he wanted someone else he would have left by now!
I know that is easier said than done, and when you have deep rooted self esteem problems you wont be able to change your outlook by yourself, hence why I think you need to get help. There is nothing to be ashamed of, you are not mentally ill, you just have a few issues that need the assistance of a professional to resolve.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
female
reader, Lexie88  +, writes (15 March 2012):
 You're right when you say that thinking like this and constantly asking him about it will ruin your relationship.
Things you need to keep in mind:
1. He's with you for a reason. If he wanted someone else he wouldn't be with you.
2. If he's going to do something to hurt you there's not much you can do about it (if this happens he's not worth it anyway).
3. You need to stop thinking like this because as you say, if it's not this girl, it will be the next one you obsess about.
4. Constantly asking him about this will portray you as insecure...insecure people always get the short end of the stick...the other person will have power over them and use it. Try your hardest to bring some of that self-esteem back.
I used to feel like this too and my number one thing to do when I felt like this was realizing that if my boyfriend wants to do something to hurt me, then it's his loss and I can't do much to change things. Worrying about all the what ifs in the meantime hurts your relationship and won't let you enjoy the present time with him.
And again...he's with YOU because he wants to be!!
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