A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:so my boyfriend and i dated for 9 months and broke up because he wanted to sleep with other women. but after we broke up, we were still sleeping together because we were having a hard time getting over each other. we got back together about 2 months later (all the while still spending lots of time together and still sleeping together) and i find out he had slept with his ugly ex during our "broken up period". when i confronted him, he confessed that he only did it that time and it was a big mistake. and he's been proving to me that he is trustworthy and a great boyfriend. he's even told me how he realized that i'm the one for him and that he wants to marry me in the future.however, i now am haunted by this image of him and his ugly ex. should i just let this go because we weren't technically together? am i being too jealous? i'm just really hurt because we were still sleeping together during the break up and to find out he slept with her too absolutely disgusts me.
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female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (2 April 2010):
 You agreed to break up and allow him to "sleep with other people", you then agreed to sleep with him even though you were not in a committed relationship.
As far as I can understand, he's done nothing wrong. You had no proper relationship with this man and he could sleep with any woman he wanted to, that includes his "ugly ex"...
I suggest you try to get over your hurt and really find out if this is the guy you want to marry. It would be a pity if he changed got rid of all his other women and promised to love you and be faithful, if you threw it all away because you'd rather worry about what him and his ex might have done in bed. I'm assuming they had a relationship before and that was sexual, so it's nothing new, they had sex in the past and when he was single they had sex again.
Seeing as you both have a "hard time getting over each other", I suggest your current position as possible finance is better than his bit on the side he sleeps with as well as other women.
Which is harder to get over, being without him, or knowing that he slept with other women, one who happened to be an ex partner? Only you can decide...
PS: It takes two to tangle, he didn't rape you and you knew that he was having sex with other women from the start. Bit to late to be outraged now, you should have said no to sex unless he made commitments towards you.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (2 April 2010):
I would be more concerned about his motives here. I find it very suspicious that he was dating you for nine months, then dumped you for the reason he wanted sex with other women, including you and his EX (the suspicious part). So essentially, he dumped you to have sex with his ex, then came back to you once he'd done it. That's not good enough. It means he was never really over his ex, ugly or not.I don't think you're being too jealous. I actually think you're not looking at this as deeply as you should be. You only dated for nine months before he went back to his ex, all the while using you at the same time. His motives are very unclear, and to be honest I don't think this is a man worth pursuing.
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