A
female
age
36-40,
*inymouse
writes:help! for quite some time now my best guy friend (Mark)has been secretly in love with me although my friends and I are very aware of his feelings for me. Recently though I have become so annoyed with him but dont know what to do or say. Mark texts me way too many times during the day, some days calls too much, always wants to know where I am and what im doing, and is suffocating me. For example the other day I had spoken to him around 4pm told him I would call him around 9 after I finish what I am doing. At 9:09pm I get a text message from him...so annoying and he does this all the time! another example is he always wants to pick me up to go out with our friends so the other day he asked me if i wanted him to pick me up and I said "no thats ok, I will meet u there." After I said that he texted me back saying that he prob shouldnt drive because he had taken a valium..I didnt want to give in so I told him I had already left my house and was on my way. Mark then proceeded to call me and tell me that our friend doesnt like when a lot of cars are at his house and at that point I wanted to kill him! Currently I am hooking up with one of our good friends and even though we keep it quiet it is odvious that Mark HATES it when we are together. If it is the three of us hanging out at once he automatically gets in a bad mood and barely speaks. Bottom Line, I have never liked Mark and will never like Mark, and even though Mark knows he has no chance with me, he still continues to act this way toward me! I am beyond annoyed at him and cant take this anymore but dont know what to do because even if I did approach him and speak with him, he would deny liking me..which is what he did a year ago when my guy friends asked him. I also do not want to hurt his feelings either. PLEASE HELP!
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male
reader, PM  +, writes (5 November 2007):
 I was once as your friend Mark was, smothering and showering affection on the women in my life that I wanted to be with (which was before I undertook some major changes to my life). It's interesting for me to hear the story told from the point of view of the woman who has been smothered, which is no more fun than the experiencing the situation from the other side really.
Your friend Mark is a boy and not a man. He looks for a woman who will mother and nurture him and not a woman who will become a lover to him. Sadly, there's nothing you can really do that will help him see the light, save one thing. When I was as your friend is, the most therapeutic thing anyone could have done would have been to shatter the belief that in order for a woman to fall in love with you, you must constantly shower her with your attention and affection. In order to do that, you have to be exceedingly harsh and reject him in a face-to-face confrontation where you tell him straight-out that constantly badgering a woman is not going to make her attracted to you. Constantly needing to be around someone is a sign of insecurity since it signals to the world that you aren't comfortable being by yourself.
If you aren't willing to be so harsh to him, and I don't blame you if you aren't, then you must simply cut him out. Tell him not to call you, text you or hang out with you. He will not leave you alone as long as he is in your life because unless he changes, he will continue to believe that he has to "win you over" by pushing his attention on you.
A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (5 November 2007):
 It's easy. You have a boyfriend, spend some time together alone. If your "friend" Mark tries to butt in you say: "I'm sorry but I can going out with my boyfriend" .
Seriously, you are letting this tag along buddy ruin your sanity, just tell him to leave you alone.
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