A
female
age
41-50,
*antalia
writes:2 years ago, a guy i knew for 9 years and who i considered my best friend became my boyfriend after years of tiptoing around the subject. We started off in an amazing relationship, he was the man i had waited for all this time and who i felt i wanted to marry and have kids with. I was so in love with him and we both believed we would be together forever. Having known each other for so long, we knew each other inside out and could talk about anything and we had no inhibitions. I decided to move 5 hours away from my family in italy to be with him as he had a good job and i wanted to start a new life, and in the beginning it was fantastic. But after just a few months living away i became lonely and depressed. I was unhappy with work, i had no friends and i hated the area where i had moved to. He had lots of friends and girlfriends who i became curious of and i started to feel insecure and left out. We started to argue a lot, and i didnt want to have sex anymore. He worked away during the week and i only got to see him at the weekends. I go so depressed and lonely i got ill, and when i was at my lowest point i called him, and he wouldnt come home to be with me. His job was too important at the time and he said he couldnt come home. This made me worse and it made me think that he would never be there for me when i needed him most. He then started to hide text messages from a girl he knew at work, but told me he was only hiding them because i would get upset and think that something was going on. I had lost trust in him totally. I decided to have some time with my family, and i got back on a plane to italy and spent 3 months there just relaxing and being with my mum. But whilst i was in italy i met a guy called Tom and fell in love with him. We became close in those few months and the sex was amazing. It was the happiest time i had had for over a year. But i had to leave italy and go back as i had a house and a mortgage to pay for with my boyfriend. I tried to forget about what happened in italy, as i wanted to see if i could rekindle my relationship, but it is 6 months on now, and all i think about is the man i fell in love with in italy. The first time i had sex with my boyfriend again, i cried, because all i could think about was Tom. I still speak to Tom every day on my mobile, and on the internet, but my boyfriend doesnt know, and Tom doesnt know about my boyfriend of whom i have a house with. I feel i can not get close to my boyfriend, and i think the truth is that i dont want to. But i am scared of making the wrong decision. Do i stay with my boyfriend who i know loves me, and knows me inside out, who i am secure with financially and who i have a house with but who i feel i have lost trust in and possibly fell out of love with, Or do i leave this relationship and take a risk and try to make a future with a guy i fell in love with in just 3 months. The thought of me even saying goodbye to Tom makes me cry, and to think of him with someone else breaks my heart. But i know deep down that if i can make any attempt to make it work with my boyfriend then i have no option but to say goodbye to Tom.........but i dont think i can. I really dont know what i need to do to make me choose the right path...........better the devil you know or the devil you dont? Please Help
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female
reader, bqagirl2692  +, writes (3 December 2007):
 Well if you believe that there is just no chance whatsoever to fix your relationship with your boyfriend then it is all downhill from there. Follow your heart. If you truly believe that this Tom guy is the one for you then dont let it past by. Decide who is for you now before you hurt the both people you care about the most. You cant force yourself to fall in love with someone. Just think about it carefully.
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