A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello everyone,I feel used and betrayed ;_;I met this girl at work about a month ago and we got on like a house on fire; we have soooo many similarities it's like we're made for each other!Anyway, it's only been recently that I have started really chatting to her and getting to know her really quite well.The thing is she is currently seeing someone else (I knew this from the start) who she tells me is abusive towards her; he hits here, insults her, and is just basically messing with her head =(She has told me on numerous occasions that I am her perfect guy and that she loves me, but after doing some *cough* research *cough* I see that she's came crawling back to her 'man' and is planning a nice trip away with him -_-'We've spent days talking on MSN, sometimes until 5/6am discussing her boyfriend and me giving her advice; she does genuinely seem to care, but i'm sure if I can take this, i've been so happy just talking to her - I feel betrayed.He's a manipulator really, he knows how to work her; just a little kiss and a "I'm sorry, I love you really" and shes back with him.WHAT SHOULD I DO!?Please help :(
View related questions:
at work, girl at work, I love you, msn Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Kaykayy123 +, writes (9 August 2009):
 I've been in the exact same situation and guys come along thinking they can help when really they dont care. if you truely care about her don't give up, if you believe that you can make her happy then go for it.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2009): A lot of women are most content with some amount of nice guy and some amount of asshole. She gets both between you two.
So take away her "nice guy" for a while, and force her to actually deal with a full dose of this asshole. It'll break them up a lot faster than you being there all the time and her not being forced to choose.
...............................
A
male
reader, GrimmReality  +, writes (31 July 2009):
 Have you or do you know the boyfriend? I only ask this because if you don't how can you be sure what she says is the truth? I am playing devil's advocate in saying that if she is like this with her BF (chatting with you, telling you that you are perfect for her, etc) who's to say if you two get together, she wont be doing the same thing to you with some other guy?
Im just saying that with her track record of going back to him, that you want to procede with caution, because the third wheel is an awful position to be in. Once again, this flirtation, etc can also be a way of playing games. Why is she spending all this time badmouthing him if she is still with him? Be careful that you don't get your heart broken by her.
Being there for her is one thing, but if she is doing this she should be giving her BF the respect of working on their relationship, which would be a natural way to spend her time instead of 5/6 hours of telling you all about him.
This had drama written all over it, so be careful.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2009): I didn't make an account so was unable to PM a thank you message to you all, but I just wanted to say 'thanks' to each and every one of you; it's great advice.
PS. Female anonymous reader (of 31 July '09) that story is really touching and I'm really happy for you, almost like a dream come true.
We'll see how this pans out, eh?
Love you all
Kev.
...............................
A
female
reader, Original shiraz! +, writes (31 July 2009):
This is a difficult one, shes come to you for support and guidance somethings shes obviously craving yet shes put you in the uncomfortable position by saying she loves you etc.
Do the right thing, shes staying with this man for whatever reason, maybe shes scared? and usally the right thing to do is walk away in this situation i personally wouldnt do that as i cant help but feel she needs you.
Its so hard but try and be there for her, i know its unfair but people in an abusive relationship need to reach out to another for a sense of security and reality. Say to her something along the lines of look im here for you but i cant keep doing this over and over, i know that your with him and that kills me you dont see what he does to you and until you see it for yourself what good can i do?... ill always be here to help you but i need to start moving forward myself, i wanted that to be with yout but it cant so ive got to do it for me now be honest with her.
She cant see him for what he is, shell live in denial for as long as he will when everyone starts leaving her shes gone and shes in the relationship for the long run.
Youve tried but you cant show her the truth, be there for her and let her see it for herself.
Hold back for a bit and show her the wake up call she needs, let her live her life, dont pick up the pieces just be there for the advice this mess is what shes falling into and until she sees that you cant do anything.
Sorry if the advice was a little confusing, ive just re read it and thought hes not going to get my point.
Basically ive said, be there yet live your life let her see the truth.
Best of luck
...............................
A
female
reader, kayla20 +, writes (31 July 2009):
 you cant do anything she obviously loves him as well as being scared of him so in a way she is scared to lose him she'll keep crawling back, with you there she likes the thought of having two guys but she wont do anything with you because she is scared about if he boyfriend found out. to be honest i think you have to tell her that u have feelings for her and want to be with her but you are going to have to back off for a bit because its hurting you that she keeps running back to her bf
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2009): Please please please keep trying with her!! I was in exactly her situation last year. It is so so hard to get out of an abusive relationship like that. I bet he makes her feel like the problem is with her, not him. I tried to get out of my abusive relationship for 2 years and couldn't do it on my own. I needed a particularly wonderful guy to come along (ie you!) to help make me strong and to see that not all guys were like my boyfriend. After a couple of months of talking to him and him being really supportive, I was able to break up with my boyfriend and we've been together since. Please keep helping her! She needs it right now and it will be worth it :)
...............................
|
