A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I’ve known my friend for 23 years, she is one of the nicest people I know and I absolutely treasure our friendship. She is 5 years older than me so I’ve always seen her as a big sister.I’m even godmother to her eldest daughter and this unfortunately is where I have an issue….Her daughter who is 19 is very selfish, rude and lazy and has no respect for anyone. Unfortunately my friend never really disciplined her as a child. She was a single parent from the start.She was always letting her do as she pleased. I hate to say this but she was quite a nasty child. When she was around 5 she started taking things from my bag without my permission- money, lipstick, sweets etc…. My friend barely told her off for it.There would be occasions when I’d be looking after her and she’d say horrible things to me like “you’re a bi*ch” (for no valid reason) or “give me money you cow!” She’d always play rough as well - purposely trying to hurt me. Plus many other things. I did tell her mum but nothing was done.I assumed it was just a phase she was going through but it wasn’t the case. The older she was the worse she got. Now I tried to help and be supportive- when she turned 16 I helped her find a part time job by speaking to my cousin who owns a restaurant- it’s a lovely place and money was good too - she started out ok but by the 2nd month she started to run late, call in sick often or barely do any work when she was there. Eventually she quit and of course I felt really bad for my cousin as she gave her a chance- even though I was honest about my goddaughter being troubled.I even treated her and her mum to a holiday abroad when she was 15 only for her to be miserable and ungrateful the entire time.I’ve had her stay at my house when she threatened to runaway from home aged 13 - reason being- her mum grounded her for not washing up so she decided to threaten to runaway - so she stayed with me a few days until they patched things up and she showed me no respect, made a mess in every room and expected me to run around after her. For the past few years my friend has been battling cancer on and off. When she told her daughter the first thing my goddaughter said was that she was too busy to help out around the house. She had no compassion for my friend and made it all about her.Now my friend has asked if she died (this is only if/when she dies) she wants me to make sure her daughter is ok, I’m not expected to raise her obviously as she’s an adult but she wants me to be there for her - she wants me to be a “mother figure ” to her and see she gets a job and settles down and support her.She also mentioned that if she (my goddaughter) gets pregnant she wants me to help her raise the baby- not financially as she has money set aside but wants me to be hands on. I know I’m her godmother but I don’t want to take any of this on.My fiancé and I are planning to leave the UK in the next couple years to travel-we have no major responsibilities and like it that way. Fortunately my friend isn’t dying - her treatment is going well but on the event she does die I don’t want to be responsible for her daughter, as awful as this sounds. Yes I know I sound selfish but I think it’s a bit much to be asked. Even her own family - her grandmother and aunts have washed their hands of her as she causes a lot of trouble. I have no idea how to tell my friend it’s not something I’m prepared to do and I haven’t even told her about my travel plans. How do I break this to her as I don’t want to upset her but it will be inevitable.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2022): I think it’s unfair she has put you in this position & I’m sorry she is battling cancer so from her view point she needs someone to do the job she may not be there to do but she shouldn’t expect it from you.
Unfortunately however you tell her will upset her but you shouldn’t feel guilty.
End of the day she raised an ungrateful daughter- not you- you’ve stepped up so many times being her godparent.
I’m
Hoping for everyone’s sake her daughter will even grow up & stop being the way she is.
You should definitely take that trip with your fiancée- life’s short enjoy it!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2022): Thankfully your friend's treatment is going well and will hopefully be around for years to come. In the meantime, your goddaughter will probably meet someone, will become older and although likely not less immature, she probably won't want you looking out for her. She may move away. Things change with time. Always.
All kinds of things could happen in the meantime. Your friend might outlive you. We NEVER know what's going to happen in this life and if we worry about every eventuality, we drive ourselves crazy and make ourselves ill.
She may marry someone and won't need your help with herself or her child. Some men like bitchy women.
I don't think there's any reason for you to contemplate this or discuss it with your friend, unless your friend's health starts to deteriorate, God forbid.
There's no reason on earth why you shouldn't be thinking and planning your future with your husband. Don't keep the travel plans to yourself, discuss them with her with excitement, telling her how much you're looking forward to it as you've both always wanted to travel. Let her be the one to announce that she thinks you shouldn't be thinking of yourself as she wants you to be around for her child 'just in case'.
If she's as lovely as you say, then she wouldn't dream of trampling over YOUR dreams.
And I thought the same as Honeypie. Why didn't you tell her off yourself when she misbehaved towards you?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (15 April 2022):
 You have to be honest. Seems like everyone walks on eggshells around this kid.
BE honest with your friend. Tell her I'm not ready or willing to take on that repsonsibility. Her daughter is 19, so legally an adult. " Technically, the end of your role comes after confirmation, when the godchild is deemed old enough to fend for itself."
Sounds like your friend is realizing she has not raised her kid well enough and the kid is not prepared to be an independent person, that is not on you.
Also, why did you expect your friend to tell this kid off when she called you names or stole from you? You are a whole adult!
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