A
female
age
30-35,
*aliMoore
writes:My best male friend told me he loved me 2 weeks ago, at first i wasn't sure if he said it jokingly or if he was being serious as he has confronted me about past feelings of being more than friends in the years i've known him.The night he told me he loved me, we had a giant discussion of how we both feel, he then claimed he was confused if he actually did (i think he was worried about what my reaction was going to be afterwards) he then told me he'd think about it and tell me his definate answer the following night, as he didnt want to say the wrong thing and regret it.So the following night, i had to confront him and ask him if he had decided if thats how he really felt or not, he claimed he still didnt know, i left it for a while and we ended up having a big conversation later on that night and we came to the conclusion that we would take things slow and start seeing each other as we didnt wanna rush and ruin the years of friendship we have.A week went by and he didnt make an effort to even meet up to see me, i mentioned meeting up at least 3 times and each time he just brushed it off, i assumed he'd changed his mind and was no longer interested so i no longer mentioned it. At the end of the week we had hardly even spoken, it was as if we werent even friends anymore, so i tried talking to him normally and we just couldnt seem to keep the conversation going. A few days ago i confronted him and told him how i felt about how we hadnt seen each other or hardly spoken, and asked him straight up if he wanted to be just friends or more. We had a big discussion afterwards, he seemed not bothered by what was happening, the talk turned into an arguement, when it came to an end he began to bring up things and say how he wished he had never said anything as he some reason thought i hated him? which i justified and told him fully how i felt so that there was no confusion of what he thought i thought about him.The next day i recieved a text from him saying "im sorry, are we ok?"i replied basically saying "that i was hurt that he told me he loved me and then didnt bother to talk to me and how it seemed as we werent even friends during the time we didnt communicate and answered him saying i dont think we are okay, not at least until all this is sorted out and we can move on.he didnt reply to my text, so i sent another saying that i didnt want to fall out and loose him as a friend, and that i'd rather just forget the whole thing as it wasn't worth loosing what we have.and he still hasn't replied, he hasn't been online either. Is there anything i should say to him, or should i wait until he wishes to talk to me?im abit confused about what to do, and dont wanna go and do something that might make things worse, but at the same time i dont want him to feel like im ignoring the situation and am not bothered about it.thanks in advance x
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female
reader, CaliMoore +, writes (7 December 2009):
CaliMoore is verified as being by the original poster of the question i would contact you privately, but as you have replied to my question anonymously i cant. But our situations do seem similar, we have spoken since but things just arent the same, he didnt talk to me until we passed each other in public the next day after the text messages, and he blanked me, looked right at me and carried on biking past.
He came on msn later and said sorry for ignoring me, saying that he thought i wouldnt want to speak to him, when i replied to his messages and he ignored mine?
(this being after my best friends spoke to him, asking why he ignored me; which i didnt no she had done, but luckily he didnt mind).
we talked and decided to go back to friends, he said he was very happy we were speaking again and he claimed he was so relieved to have not lost me, but things are nothing like how they were before, its like he doesnt even care anymore.. he doesnt pop up to me like before when i used to sign in, if we talk i have to be the one to talk to him whereas before it was mutual if not more him as he was online more.
he doesnt make effort in conversation and is very blunt when we do speak, and i dont understand why how can he go from telling me he loves me, to blanking and ignoring me to this, we're supposedly 'friends' again, but again it seems as if im just nothing to him, and its not like i've made him feel rejected as i told him how i felt about him straight after i told him, telling him i felt the same way, so its not like hes been rejected?!
if anyone can help me further, i'd be very grateful, i just dont no what to do anymore? surely he couldnt just forget about me just like that? i know i cant do the same with him :/
thanks in advance x
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2009): I came across your post here and I just had to respond because our situations are so similar. I've been friends with this guy for almost all my life through family. He was a bit shy, always acting kind of werid toward me. Sometimes he would completely ignore me in public places. Other time he came over, said a few words and left. It went on for years. He is really a great guy (or so I thought at least) and so I had patience with him and eventually he contacted me more. Recently, this year, alot of things happened. He told me one night after the night club that he cares alot about me, we chatted some more on msn, went out to the bar with some friends. Things were going in the right direction. I had alwas suspected he likes me as more than a friend.. and so one night he contacted me and asked to go out to party. We had quite a few drinks and we had fun. Then all of a sudden he brought up the topic of us being more than friends. He asked me if I saw him as more as a friend. I confessed and then later on he told me he felt the same way and had done so for a few years. We ended up in bed that night kissing. He told me alot of things, like how this was what he needed and how beautiful I was and how he would dismiss the other girls who were interested in him (hmm..wonder if there actually were any) to be with me. He studies a few hours away from me, so it would be kind of a long distance relationhip. I made sure he knew it was not a problem for me. Since this guy is a close friend of mine I really honestly trusted him. Then a few days went by and he came over again. We spent the night together and watched movies and talked. He was already talking about how we should keep it a secret for a couple of weeks before we tell friends and family. I was surprised because I thought it would take him a long time to be ready for something like that. So naturally I thought he was serious about us togheter. I was so happy. But then he went back to where he studies. I sent him a text message, but no response, until a few days later. He told me that this isn't working for him. I told him how much I care about him and that I would like to give it a try at least (as he has promised) or meet and talk about it. I asked if he could call me. He just answered "sorry, we'll take it later, if we have to". That hurt me alot. All of a sudden it sounded like he didn't care about me at all and that everything was completely unimportant to him. Then two weeks later he loggen onto msn and I asked him if he really meant what he said about not wanting to talk and told him how much it had hurt me. He gave a lame apology. Then later in that same conversation he told me how he wasn't sure how in love with me he was and he needed it to be 100%, he had only tried for me. I was even more confused, and hurt. So the guy tells me he has liked me for years (as I suspected) then suddenly it's just like a silly little game to him. Doesn't seem to care at all about my feelings. I got a bit angry. I felt so dissapointed and let down. I told him that he should have thought before he acted and not risk our friendship like that, and I told him how I thought after all these years he would know a bit more about how he felt about me. Then I added that he only made me feel unimportant to him (like just another girl) and that nothing good came out of this. Then I said bye and logged off. Since then he has been online, but he doesn't contact me, and I'm certainly not going to contact him.I'm at loss of what to do. What happened? What made him act that way? What is he thinking now, or does he think at all? Those are just a few questions I'm asking myself.I think your guy and my guy feel bad about how they acted and don't know how to repair the damage. So they avoid us. It's just one explanation. Or they simply don't care. But I find that very hard to believe. I felt misereable for weeks. I haven't talked to him in a month now. Right now my goal is to stop thinking about him and do fun things that I like.. I'm so tired of analyzing him.I sincerely hope your guy friend will contact you and sort out the mess. It's good if you have the option of going back to friends. For me and him I don't think it's possible.. or it's very very hard to imagine.Hope we can help each other..somehow :)
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice  +, writes (1 December 2009):
 Oh, gee! The genie is out of the bottle now. No putting it back in. He confessed his love and got in return, "the Giant discussion". He feels rejected. I do know that that doesn't make sense. Now every time he talks to you you are hurt or want to go slow. Those things all scream "get away" to him. So he does. The right thing to say to him is: "Kiss me, Stupid". Just that nothing else. If you are not ready to do that then the genie is out and you have lost. All of life is a gamble.
FA
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