A
female
age
30-35,
*aliMoore
writes:My best male friend confessed he loved me a few months ago, and also confessed he wasn't ready for a relationship as he was in the early stages of admitting his depression, and felt it wouldn't be fair on me. - which i accepted.Time past and he continued acting the same as he did before, which over time started to upset me. Acting like we were going somewhere, when we weren't; which to me seemed unfair, however i continued as normal.Cut a long story short, we grew apart, he claimed to like me but not want a relationship, which of course was upsetting at times for me, waiting around. So i tried to move on, i eventually did (but have always had feelings for him, they never went away). A few weeks ago he mentioned a girl, and how he liked her, and later mentioned how he wanted a relationship and was ready, which was upsetting to hear from him that; now he was finally ready for a relationship it wasn't with me who he claimed to supposedly 'love' when he only 'liked' this girl he'd not known long.Now things are fading with this girl, hes come back and is now making more of an effort to talk to me, which he lacked during the past highlight of when he liked this girl. He spoke short and blunt with me - didnt make much effort to keep a conversation alive, it was like talking to a brick wall! and eventually i gave up.My feelings have begun to come back stronger since talking to him, like a reminder of how we used to be. But im not sure if i should i bother with him, if hes only after a rebound or comforting after failings with this other girl, i feel like second best. So much for supposedly being in love with me? which i find hard to believe, eventhough im still foolish enough to sometimes believe it.Im not sure rather i should just carry on as normal, or continue to try and move on from him. Its like hes only come around now, after not talking, like we werent even friends. :\thanks in advance x
View related questions:
move on Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2010): I'm sorry hun, but he's just not that into you :( He is just using you right now to make himself feel better for being rejected by the other girl. I would bet you $20 that if you asked him if you and he will be in a relationship, he will make up some new excuse like...."I'm still reeling from the last one, I'm not ready to go down that road so soon"
I am truly sorry for you, it sucks to like someone so much and not have them return the feelings. There is someone out there that will feel that way about you and you shouldn't waste time with this guy that you could be spending with someone that will make you truly happy :)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2010): The question should be, do you feel something for him, if you do, then you might want to give him a shot, reason why... would you rather try right now and find out if you can be together, or regret later on that you did not give him a shot and did not had a chance... believe me you will regret it, I do regret some relationships that I never had and could HAD... so please dont waste your time, if he is for you after a couple of weeks or months you will know, if he is not for you, then say goodbye and take your road. Just an advise, a very good one that we tend to forget nowadays, DONT give him the love proof so easily, if from the start go he goes for the PHYSICAL part then he is not interested in other than that, if he doesnt and there is no hints on going physical you are good to go, he is in for you, just for you, not for anything else.
Good luck and god speed!
...............................
A
female
reader, Lexie88  +, writes (24 February 2010):
 I think you've got a lot of insight into this situation and that's a great start. You can already see that he's perhaps not after you for genuine reasons.
What I think is going on is that in the beginning he did like you and was attracted to you but for some reason didn't think you were worth it to committ to. To put it blunty he thought you weren't good enough. How do you think he was suddenly ready when someone else came in the picture. It wasn't about not being ready...it was about not being ready for something with you.
Now he's had someone else and that didn't work so now he's thinking of you and remembering all the good stuff. I assume that back in the day he knew you also had feelings for him. Right now things have not worked out with another girl, and knowing you're there and you might still have those feelings for him makes him feel good about himself.
You can do as you please but this situation is wrought with risks for you. You could put it all out there for him to just say he's not ready again...or even worse, for you to get involved and then have him leave you.
I genuinely believe that if a man is not after you from the start, the chances of a successful relationship are slim. Yes, there might be a relationship, but you will never feel fully satisfied or happy with him, yourself or the whole thing. As you say, you'll feel like second best...and that's the bottom line.
Don't be anyone's second best. You deserve to be number one. As hard as it is, and I understand that you have feelings for him, try and move on. He will not do you any good in the long term and you'll just end up hurt. You're better than that :)
All the best :)
...............................
|
