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anonymous
writes: Recently my relationship changed into a long distance variety as my father passed away and I’ve had to go aboard to see to my mother's needs.It turns out that my father had been cheating on my mother and I've now got the unwelcome addition of a half-brother with the other party. This shocker has only come out after his passing.All this I've taken as calmly as possible under the circumstances. As you might expect, my mother is distraught by the loss of the "love of her life" and these new revelations and taken its toll on her well being. Caring for her seemed to be the most important thing and I have left the fighting and bickering for my Pap's estate to the solicitors.Then, yesterday, all hell broke loose... My girlfriend phoned me and admitted that she had just cheated on me with my best friend. She saids, and I believe her, that she really loves me and that this was a mistake she regrets.Initially, I went through the emotions... shock, tears, hate... you name it, I've had it. Then we had a long chat and I decided that I still loved her very much and the fact that she told me of her trespass so quickly (she said that he had only just left...) that I felt she was genuinely repenting her actions against me.However, I can't take it out of my mind and forget about it. I am angry that she and my best friend have ruined the purity of our love story. It feels like it's no longer "a dream come true" — merely a watered down version of it because it is no longer "flawless." I feel like a wimp for not doing anything about it. (I'm really in love with her and I can't bring myself to break up just for that.) How can I forgive her? Will I always keep this poisonous thought inside? How can I prevent this from shadowing every aspect of our relationship? Am I "selling short" and blind to her untrustworthiness? How can I trust her again?Regarding my friend, he's getting married soon and I'm best man... I really don't want to do this duty because of his ultimate betrayal at my hour of need. I am also a friend of his fiancée and feel that she should know the situation as well... Should I tell her or should I not? Should I confront him or not?I always thought these things happened on TV or at the movies. How wrong I was since the phone call from mum 3 months earlier.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2005): I just wanted to say how sorry I am about your fathers death. The matter of your girlfriend cheating on you is a very complicated one. I have been with 2 guys who cheated one I forgave and one I did not so I can try to explain the way things go.If you decide to forgive your girlfriend you have to never think of this again. Even one conversation about this subject should be banned. Otherwise you will just torture yourself. If you are feeling so hurt inside then you won't be enjoying your relationship anymore. Then what is the point?You are not a wimp for not breaking up now, you have been hurt and your first reaction is to stay with her to try and make you happy again. Please don't beat yourself up over making a decision right away.I'm not saying that you should throw it all away but I recommend a break, give her a chance to miss you. Also give yourself a chance to make sure you want to be this strong and whether she is worth the heartbreak. You are going to feel sad whether you are with her or not but if you think there is a chance she will do this again its best to feel the hurt once (and break up now) than again if she cheats again..Hope that helps.Onto your friend.... I don't think that either of them would've wanted to hurt you so don't see this as a betrayal. If you don't feel like you can forgive him then sure, don't be his best man but don't ruin his future because of what he did. You will regret this decision I think. If it were me, I would be his best man, not tell his fiancee and be the better man.
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