A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My common-law partner and I have been together for almost 8 years. I have never been unfaithful nor would I ever consider that as an option. My partner on the other hand has. The problem however is not the past affairs but an incident that occurred at our home several days ago.My partner invited an old friend over (whom I had never met) to hang out. When he came in our dog got a bit overly excited and had an accident on the floor. My first instincts were to clean it up(which I did) and after a quick introduction I proceeded upstairs to watch a DVD with our daughter. She of course wanted a DVD that was downstairs so I made my way down to get the movie, opened the drawer and leaned sideways slighting to close the drawer underneath that was stuck. Went upstairs and called it a night. Later that evening my partner came up and told me that I was bending down in front of his friend and his friend even commented on it! ARE YOU FOR REAL!!!Is what I thought. Then he said that I went downstairs on purpose and that our daughter didn't need a new dvd to watch. He also commented that I was showing off my stomach. Let me paint the picture for you. I was in a sweatshirt and jogging pants, no make-up and hair in a ponytail. If I happend to move a certain way my shirt will creep up but I am the first one to pull it down. Besides his friend wasn't even suppose to be coming over and he never had a problem with the shirt 5 hours ago when I had first put it on. I am insure about my "baby" belly and would never show off my middrift. If fact I think the last time I did that I was 17 back in 1993. Since the "incident" my partner has refused to speak to me and when he does he finishes his sentence by calling me a whore or a slut. He has even gone as far as to say that I make a terrible wife and that is why he doesn't bring people around. I am educated, attractive, I work, cook homemade meals every night and maintain a clean home. I am anything BUT a horrible partner. I think this is EXTREMELY pathetic. Why is he acting this way??? He can run around with other women and still maintain contact with one, and make me look like a fool but I bend down in front of his friend and all of a sudden I am a whore. What the hell is wrong with this guy or am I wrong...did I do something inappropriate? Please Help.
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male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (27 January 2010):
A cheating partner becomes paranoid their partner will cheat. to be honest, you can do better than a guy who treats you like this. Never take a second rate guy as a boyfriend.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2010): It seems your partner is extremely insecure and has used pulling other women to boost his ego in the past. I bet he has always secretly felt inferior to this friend, perhaps he has a bigger house, a faster car or a bigger 'package'. This guy has obviously made an appreciative comment on your figure and this has brought out all these insecure, jealous feelings your partner has been harbouring.
When he's shouting abusive things at you, it's because he blames you for bringing these feelings to the surface. That said, this doesn't mean that you should accept this behaviour. You could confront him on the matter or try some self help books like 'The Power of Now' which focuses on not bringing 'old' negatve feelings into the present/future and recognising when this is happening to help you control any such feelings.
Good Luck, I hope he gets the help he needs and you resolve your issues.
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A
female
reader, Angzw  +, writes (27 January 2010):
He is being manipulative and I'm sorry to say might be cheating. Men do this either to cover up the guilt of cheating, or to just put you down. Its possible that his friend said a comment about how attractive you are and now he is consumed with jealousy that another man finds you attractive. He is trying to put you down in order to exalt himself. You need to take control of the situation; maybe by moving out for a few days without warning. Do something shocking that will shut him up.
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A
female
reader, supermum +, writes (27 January 2010):
 You have to have words with him for sure...lay the cards on the table, and say ok, i gave you a second chance and you repay me like this. If you continue to behave like this, you have to leave. I didnt mean to do anything out of line. and if i am such a whore why are you with me?
His friends probably said something like 'nice bum' and he got all insecure about it...thats his problem not yours.
He is the one in the wrong, so dont let him irritate you too much. But name calling especially with a child in the house is not acceptable. I see the beginnings of an abusive relationship here.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (27 January 2010):
People who cheat often get paranoid about their partner cheat. And over react to hide their own feelings of guilt.
The thing is, if you stay with a man who cheats on you then you can't exactly be surprised when he shows no respect for you in other areas too.
He's doing you down because he knows you are better than him and wants you firmly in your place so he can do what he wants and you'll still have dinner on the table when he gets home.
My opinion is to show your daughter that she should not take this kind of behaviour from men. If a man treats you like that then you kick him out / leave.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2010): You didnt do anything inappropriate, you are dating a control freak who will not allow you to talk to other men or even have other men look at you, without that meaning you are a whore. Could be because he has cheated himself in the past. Does this happen often? Outbreaks like this is usually a pattern that a person goes through, and not something he'd say out of random that he's never ever said before. He is overly jealous and controlling.
If he does not realize how he is over reacting and do anything to change his issues, you shouldn't be with him. I am sorry, but you can not have a happy life with someone who wont let other men look at you without calling you whore. Imagine how he would react if you got all dressed up and went out on town for drinks. Imagine if you met a guy and you two became friends but your husband starts beating you because he saw you talk to your friend. These things usually escalate. If he's got a problem already with something so small, imagine how he'd react if you went on and lead a normal life that includes going out, dressing up, looking nice, smiling at people, meeting new people etc.
Take note of how he reacts to things and if this was the first time then maybe he can still get "fixed" but I doubt so. Who calls their love a whore because their friend sent them glances? If anything he should call his friend a whore.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2010): Seems like a silly thing to get angry about, seems like his own insecurities are coming out because of what hes done in the past. maybe you should confront him about it, remind him about all the things you do for him and see how he reacts?
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