A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I've been seeing this guy a few times, and I think he's nice. He took me out for dinner once and coffee a couple of times. After our coffee date yesterday, we made out a bit in his car before he dropped me home. I saw him again tonight and he did not want to take me out for coffee when I suggested it. He wanted to make out again right away. While we were making out, things got hot and heavy and he wanted me to satisfy him, and all I could think was how selfish he was as a lover. He was only interested in getting off himself and he was not interested in my pleasure. I lost my desire for him immediately and told him to take me home. Later on he called me and told me how good it was to be with me. I was just very straightforward with him and told him that he turned me off when he only focused on his pleasure. He seemed really shocked and offended by what I said to him, and quietly said that next time will be different. I told him there will not be a next time. Was I wrong to be so tactless and intolerant? I've had my fair share of lovers and I find that the older I get the less tolerant I am of men who don't want to pleasure a woman. It actually makes me feel like an unpaid prostitute when I'm with a man who is selfish in bed. Do other women feel this way?
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male
reader, hardnut  +, writes (7 March 2013):
If he is still intrested, you might have a convert. Lot of men have had women fake it and some just lay there waiting for him to finish. He could be a great guy who is ignorant to a womans feelings.
His desire to be with you could mean he wants to learn. No bad habits to fix, train him the way you like.
Is the equivilant of picking a pound dog, and taking him back when he poops in your floor. Just ignorance of how things are.
You could miss out having a guy who is not well schooled in the art.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionLOL @ Sageoldboy1465. Canada is a great country:), but I think the U.S. has more manly men;)
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (6 March 2013):
 He wanted to get in to CANADA??????
Don't they have hockey and maple syrup where we was from????
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (6 March 2013):
Some further thoughts to this submittal and the subsequent discussion:
1. Many/most guys are quite content to have a "sex-al" relationship, with no other content, expectation(s) or obligations.... FWB and F-buddies fit in to this category, and guys think those are a dream..... What we DON'T much think about....
2. Is that there is another person taking part in those affairs.... and..... what about HER????
3. Women will run in to some guys who meet that above stereotype.... but - fortunately - they also have a chance to run in to guys like Cerebus who are pretty good partners (by his description.... I can't vouch for him from experience with him!!!!!). I tend to fall in to his category, wherein a guy knows - always - that intimacy shared is 'way better than intimacy inflicted upon him by an unwilling or naive woman who believes that a moment of "putting out" by her will "get her" the guy. Doesn't work that way, often!!!!
To this OP: You are correct to cut out the contact with this guy.... who really doesn't meet the "nice guy - hot - want to see him again" criteria..... So.... go out and find a REAL good friend/lover/guy, and put your "prostitute" guilt behind you..... and get on with life...
Good luck...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you everyone for your input.
Positivity, I can definitely identify with you about the different ways men can use women. My ex husband used me to gain entry into my country and then disappeared. That was the worst betrayal I ever experienced. It took a long time to heal. I don't think it has left me jaded, but I am definitely more cautious about a man's intentions towards me.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionCerberus, I think you hit the nail on the head with your response. He really did show me who he was early on, so I'm going to be ruthless and cut him off. I think he was only out for one thing, because he would drop comments here and there about his sexual fantasies.
Cerberus, I think your approach to women is phenomenal. You really know a woman's psychology about sex. A man can be satisfied quite easily, but for a woman it's different. I can only speak from my experience, but when a man makes the effort to make sure I reach orgasm first (either manually or orally), I become more relaxed with him and want to return the pleasure. A lot of men don't realize the importance of making a woman have an orgasm first. It gives them lots of brownie points.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2013): I'm not a woman but I know how you feel. Nothing worse than a woman who loves to take pleasure but then won't go anywhere near your penis and actually seems put out if you ask them to, like it's a chore or so scary that it'll bite her hand off.
As the lady said "Ain't nobody got time fo dat."
It's simple really the first time I get a chance to be properly sexual with a woman the first thing I'll do is go down on her. It just makes logical sense.
Firstly I love giving head, so I get pleasure from it. Second I get to check for any obvious signs of disease (that has saved me more than once I can tell you). Thirdly it makes me seem unselfish, bonus points from the outset. Fourth it makes a very good impression if the first time you're sexual you bring them to orgasm. And finally, in my experience most women will let you do anything you want to them if you give them good head first.
OP it was only a couple of dates, some may say give him another chance etc. I say you've gotten a taste early of what he's like and it's pointless to keep going. If nothing else he's too keen and it also seems he's far too focussed on the sexual too seeing as he wanted to just jump straight into you getting him off.
Better to be ruthless at our age OP.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (6 March 2013):
 If he is the same age group as you, then YES, I think you did the right thing. Obviously he thought the fact that he was THIS attracted to you is a compliment to you.
And honestly making out in the car? He really needs to grow up and learn how to treat a date.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2013): I think you should give him another chance. He may have just got carried away with his desire for you ...
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A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (6 March 2013):
 Yea I dont get some men either. I think he was only out for himself as he was quick to make a move. I think ur no tolerance is excellent n will teach him to treat women with more respect. Dont have a conscience about this. You made the right decision.
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A
male
reader, Cantremember  +, writes (6 March 2013):
I don't know if other women feel this way. But he offered to change instead of getting upset. That's something a lot of people would welcome. Was he selfish? Yes. But not giving someone a second chance when they offer isn't ladylike either. Of course it's your choice. But if you expect people to be perfect from the start then you'll have a hard time I think. People make mistakes. What counts is how they go about it and learn and change.
So, if he won't change. Easy deal. But if he does you just cut off someone for screwing up once.
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